Get sick of "you're so lucky you're single!!!"...

Since the breakup of my marriage, I have not been in a single true relationship. For the past 20 months I've heard "you're SO lucky you're single...". That line frustrated me to no end! Did these people really know what it felt like to be alone all the time? Cooking for one, no one to laugh at movies with, no one to wake up to...

Here I am, and for the last few months I can finally appreciate it!  I look around at people who cling to bad relationships because they don't want to be alone. While I have my moments where I would absolutely agree... I am finally beginning to appreciate the little things, and they are many.

Getting up and going to bed when I want
Cooking what I want, take out when I want
No one to argue with over meals, cleaning, what to do
I can watch what I want when I want
I can make a total disaster of my place, or clean it and keep it imacculate
I only have to do my own laundry
Listen to whatever music I want
Go out after work at the drop of a request, no one to justify it to
Stay at the gym as long as I want
So much more...

So I look back and try to understand why even I almost stayed in an unhappy place, what was I afraid of? It's easy to see now, of course hindsight is always 20/20. I didn't know what the hell I wanted... that terrified me.  Now I'm finally finding a groove :) and it's all about me!

For those who sit and say, why is it so easy for others... perhaps it's not, perhaps they wish they could be you! As one of my besties reminds me, one day you will wish you had this time to yourself.

So here I am, living my life! Are you???

Welcome aboard Latvia and United Kingdom - please share your stories!

The Rescue Mission... hey, what are friends for ;)

A girlfriend just came through a similar dating experience to my experience with Chris - the all-in followed by the freak out! Looking back I'm starting to find the situation just plain entertaining. So... after a few weeks of the Freak Out behaviour, Armond invites my friend out again. Hesitant, she insists on a casual evening, encourages Armond to bring a friend, and she brings me.  I think this was genius on her part!  She suggested to me, this would give her a real feel for his behaviour around her in a social situation. It's always easy one on one.

So... the night starts, we arrive at Armond's place at 8pm, his friend Bryan is running late.  The conversation gets off to an awkward start. I can immediately sense the loss in interest in my friend's engagement in the situation. The natural schmoozer in me comes out, working to keep conversation going to at least a tolerable minimum. Bryan arrives a short while later. Now it just gets more awkward. There is a sudden air of arrogance between the guys, and conversation gets a bit irritating. My friend at this point has barely said a word, it's not even 9pm.

A quick text to her to guage her interest, said "Should we just go get dinner ourselves?". Her instant reply, "Yup".  That's it... the signal. She's out! And this should be a fun challenge for me. Given I am likely to never see these guys again I have nothing to lose. The guys plan to take us to an Art Show. It's already 9pm (although only an hour after we arrived). So... I took the opportunity to suggest my friend and I haven't eaten anything and would like to go get dinner, and can meet up with the guys after they finish at the art show. Barely keeping our giggles in, the guys are in utter shock... conversation gets increasingly awkward, the only good thing is that my friend and I are so emotionally uninvested it doesn't phase us one bit. We assure the guys we are just too hungry, and to text us after the show...

We raced out to my car giggling uncontrollably, trying to get in the car as if the guys can't hear us, slipping and sliding in the oncoming snow storm.  We laughed the whole way back to Burlington where we decide we deserve a great girls dinner at the Martini House. And there you have it! The rescue was a total success. We spent the next 2 hours laughing hysterically about the situation, and how much fun it actually made the whole night. The reflected back on relationships that we had once felt so desperate to save, only to realize the situations were wildly entertaining and not worth one ounce of the energy we put into stressing over them.

And so we again can appreciate the true value of friends :). We can survive anything, laugh at anything, and reflect on anything with the right people in our lives. Friends will never let a friend settle. So lean a little.  Turns out dating in pairs can be a LOT of fun!

Ever have to pull or request a rescue mission? Love to hear about it... please share...

Shout outs to the new followers in Malaysia, India, Ukraine, Germany, Russia, Canada, USA. Please share your stories.

Just go with it...

Who doesn't love a little spontaneity?!?  So I finally feel like I've settled into a bit of a groove... although I'm sure I've said that before. I'm sitting in a nice spot where I'm truly not interested in jumping into anything, and am finding myself suprisingly open to the surprises life has in store for me. Eyes wide open, I'm not ready to pull the rip cord and give up what might be coming just yet... for the first time, I'm actually sitting back just a bit and enjoying the ride...

I've almost purged my mind of CHRIS after a few days of no contact. Last night AARON again sent a random message begging me to come see him. I can't explain it, I have been holding out on those spontaneous invites from him... but last night I couldn't help myself.  I feel like a novice at dating... it's been one relationship to the next for most of my life. But I'm finally seeing where the whole thing might not be so bad afterall... especially when you can keep emotions at bay... which also means for me, like most women, keeping intimacy at bay. 

So off I went to visit AARON. To this point we had not even kissed... we've been speaking for almost 2 months now, and have shared 2 evenings in person. For whatever crazy reason, I decided to accept the invite for a "pajama party" at his place with the promise of a pg-13 evening. Feeling strong enough in my position with myself, I went without hesitation. For once, I laid my ground rules. Felt totally comfortable and didn't care if they weren't acceptable...

I arrived at his place, parked the car, and got out to hug him hello. He swept me up, pulled me close and finally planted one on me... and there it was... a moment that actually took my breath away.  Now... this is always a dangerous moment. The one where no matter how controlled your thoughts have been, they risk running out of your control. I was excited... I'd spent the day wondering what that might be like. The two of us stood speechless for a moment before we went inside. To my surprise the evening was comfortable, casual, easy... unlike the past few months worth of visits with CHRIS. There I stood, hair in a pony tail, rocking my LuLu's almost straight from the gym. And none of that mattered. Not sure exactly what any of it means, but for once in my life I just enjoyed every moment of the evening. Enjoying AARON's embrace and kisses, and nothing more... some great conversation and quiet moments. This is different...

Normally, the next day... my mind would be whirling, panicking, computing, wondering. Today, I'm actually happy, exhausted, and just plain ready to go with the flow. A girlfriend asked me to join for a borderline blind double date tomorrow, and I'm just going to go and be in that moment too.

All this time I thought dating was awful... LOL. But I've finally concluded that my old methods of jumping from relationship to relationship just haven't been working. So... I'm going to keep all of my options open until someone comes along who can't stand the thought of me being with anyone else...

We deserve that, so just go with it until it happens... I am :)

Truly unquestionable timing... 1:49am!

Coincidences that I find unexplainable yet truly unbelievable were the reason I decided to start blogging. I truly believe there is something to be said about timing in life. So after experiencing another coincidence in the middle of the night, although it is a rather simple one, I can't help but feel a sense of warmth and enjoyment and wanted to share.

I rolled over at 1:49am this morning, not sure why I had been awake, but wanted to make a quick time check. I picked up my cell phone, which like most people these days doubles as my alarm clock. The very minute I picked it up, it vibrated... the notifier for Text Messages... there is only one person who texts me vs. bbm/whatsapp... AARON. Sure enough... the very second I picked up my phone he texted to say "Can't sleep... grrrrr".  In disbelief, I rubbed my eyes, exited the message, opened it again, then messaged him back to find out if he actually just sent it or perhaps there was a delay. Sure enough... he was live on the other end.

And there you have it... I've been had by another nearly impossibly timed coincidence. What's the meaning of it? Well, there is no answer to that. I would like to take think that Aaron and I were on the same wavelength in that minute... and everything happens for a reason.

Regardless, the thought continues to put a smile on my face today... I hope your eyes are open for the little moments of "unquestionable timing" in your own life :)

Are you really OPEN?

Lately I have been finding a common thread in discussions with my single friends... why am I attracting the wrong/same people?  Ever noticed a pattern of behaviour types in the people you end up exploring dating and relationships with.  I can say the same... It took me a long time to realize that I was continually being faced with the same type of person, and every time it resulted in a "One Sided Relationship" where I was going out of my way, sacrificing my own needs/wants, tip toeing, people pleasing... you name it. It left me exhausted and hopeless in relationships. Worst of all, when those relationships ended, not only did I feel ripped off and resentful, but I quickly found my way right back into another one just like it. Don't get me wrong, they never started that way...

We've all heard the quote, the Definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That's what we often do in relationships. We naturally gravitate to what is comfortable, familiar. We can walk into a room of a thousand people and pick out the one that will end up being just like the last one we got away from. So why is that???

I don't think there is an easy answer. After much thought and discussion the only thing I can come up with is, that we are not being truly OPEN. Sure, we all think we are. But what is OPEN?  It doesn't just mean willing to engage. We are all willing to engage, but if you take a really hard look, it always ends up being willing "under the same circumstances".

In my own experience, I recently told you about a first date with AARON, whom I almost gave up on within the first 30 minutes of meeting. I didn't feel the spark I always looked for. I couldn't get the conversation to go in the direction that felt comfortable. I felt the minor sense of panick as my eyes scanned the room for a clock and evacuation route... it did hit me at that moment, the words of so many who reminded me "what you've been doing isn't working, give it a chance". So I did. To be honest, a year ago, even 3 months ago, I would have abandoned ship. Today, I am speaking to AARON daily, and have seen him once since. The pace is nothing like I'm used to, the conversation is nothing like I've experienced, and I'm not trying to make it go in any direction. But every day, AARON finds a small way to grow on me just a little bit more... and here I am finding myself for the first time OPEN but not trying to direct, drive or control.  I'm also remaining open to meeting people at every opportunity.

As I told a friend today, being open can be as simple as walking through the day smiling and saying hello to people at every opportunity. My friend noted that she is shy... I thought about that for a moment, and it occurred to me, what if the person she is supposed to meet is also shy.  Don't underestimate the power of something as simple as a smile... it just might show that special someone you didn't even know was looking your way that you are OPEN, approachable...

Give it a shot, at the worst case you should know a smile can fool the brain... and make you happier and it doesn't take very much effort at all.

Here's to me smiling at you... :)

You've got ONE LIFE, don't stop, don't stop live it up!!!

I've always been known to get hooked on a song that speaks to my life in that moment. Right now, it is Hedley's "One Life".  I think we have all experienced the phenomenon of getting swept up in a relationship at some point, losing sight of our own needs, dreams, goals, and sometimes even just losing the sense of knowing what we even like...

When I get enamoured with someone, I find myself holding uncalled for placeholders in my time... the 'just in case" he wants to get together.  In recent months I've gotten so much better at just forgetting that, and doing what I'm supposed to do... LIVE MY LIFE.  I'm happy when I'm living. Sometimes, I lose sight of that for a minute... not hard to do.

Easy example... I was holding this weekend open for Chris, whom I'd sent an invitation to on Tuesday with the option of Saturday or Sunday.  36 hours later, with no reply to my invite... and Aaron having asked last night what my plans were... I finally just asked Chris why he hadn't replied. The answer was as lame as they come. Starting with an "I was confused by what the email was about" to "it's a crazy weekend for me babe, I'm sorry".  I had to sit on it for a few hours today... then the realization came to me... I'm not even mad that he isn't coming, or that he didn't even suggest an alternative date despite the fact that he has been asking why I haven't invited him out. I'm mad that it was a 36 hour placeholder that he never deserved in the first place. At the end of the day, that's my fault... yes, he was inconsiderate. But the only person I can control is me.

This song reminds me...

"It's a great big world, and you'll see
It could pass you by at light speed
You got one life, one life
Don't stop; don't stop live it up!!!"

My thinking... just live your life until that someone comes along and wants to live it up with you!

Walking on Sunshine...

Last night I took a chance, knowing I could be devastated today if the outcome didn't turn out as I hoped. I think everyone has been there.  The old me put actions into place with full on expectations of what the results would look like... the new me... with a lot of work, realizes the results are not only not within my control, but also not really my problem either.  I can only control my thoughts, actions and behaviours. And if I'm going to be true to me, and live a life without regret or question, I need to be prepared to do the things iI want and need to donwithout fear.

So I did.  So far the results are not what I'd hoped or imagined... but I'm actually not as disappointed as I thought I would be.  In a strange way, I feel rewarded and proud.  I stretched beyond what was my normal comfort zone and put myself out there.  The results will take care of themselves.,

So what happened?  I put out a formal invite to Chris to join me for an evening where I live.  Not only did I not get the response or reaction I'd hoped for, but actually didn't get any reaction yet at all.  yet, I'm happy... and worthy... and I.'m not even going to worry about it.  My life is full and I'mhappy, probably the happiest I've ever been. I am truly open and free...

On a separate note, Aaron reached out for an impromptu get together.  Our schedules have both been hectic, but we managed to squeezed 45 minutes for a quick coffee, and our 2nd meeting.  I left smiling.  For once not trying to look ahead and figure anything out.  Just content in the moment, full of warmth, hope and optimism that I am exactly where I am meant to be for today. I don't have to worry about tomorrow until the sun comes up again.

Tonight, I'm walking on sunshine....  and smiling!!!