Staring at the blank page before me... the rest is still unwritten ;)

Here it is... another year ending, and a new one just about to begin.  A time to take one last quick look in the rearview mirror before fixing your eyes again on the road ahead. I honestly don't remember too many times in my life when I could truly say, I have NO IDEA WHAT TOMORROW HOLDS...

We spend so much of our lives making plans. What happens when there is nothing to plan? Apart from an escape to Vegas in less than 2 weeks... I am truly approaching 2012 with a clean state, a blank page, a fresh canvas. And I'm truly excited :).  All that is complicated is still on ice. I'm ready to carry forward the people who want and deserve to be in my life, the lessons learned, and the hope for the best that is yet to come.

So... on New Year's Eve... thank you for joining me on this journey. Get ready for the next chapter. Cheers to all that the New Year holds... great friends, family, new friends, new challenges, new adventures, new beginnings... because

The rest is still unwritten...

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

~Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield

Happy New Year to all! Wishes for love, happiness, and fun in 2012 :)

Put it on ice... dream of Paradise!

It's that time of year... the Holidays... things winding down, another year ending, and a new one about to begin. Truly one of my favourite times of year... a chance to let go of what was and look forward to new beginnings. After what has been an entertaining, amusing and difficult rollercoaster ride of a year, I'm ready to put things on ice, and truly try a new approach in 2012.

Sometimes we just need a firm deadline to move forward on something. For me, that's the beginning of a New Year. A time when starting fresh is unquestioned, and almost expected by others. A time for new attitudes, new outlooks, new behaviours. A time when others won't be so quick to point out the changes in you as they look inward and make changes in themselves.

So as the year unwinds... I reflect on my own "loose ends". It was recently pointed out to me that I am not entirely good at "tying loose ends" as I prefer to "tidy them" as opposed to "tie them". But I've decided I'm ok with that... for me possibility is the key to remaining hopefully optimistic for the future. That said, things have grown complicated in several of my dating relationships, I'm unsure which if any I want to end, start over or let go of... so I've decided it's time to tidy them up, and put them all on ice for the moment.  Let the dust settle, and give in to my new approach to see how they work themselves out. I am ready to be an active participant, but would like ot resign my responsibilities as Team Captain in this area of life ;)  Hoping the New Year is bringing optimism for you in your journey...

I've always been a dreamer...

"When she was just a girl, She expected the world, But it flew away from her reach so, She ran away in her sleep, And dreamed of Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Everytime she closed her eyes..." (Paradise, ColdPlay)

Expectations setting you back???

There are just some people who make life look soooo easy... the ones that let everything slide off their back. You must know who I'm talking about?!?  Things just seem to fall into place for them... so what is their secret?  No expectations...

Have you ever sat at a table after placing an order, waiting... waiting... waiting... getting frustrated, hungry, annoyed... then you give up, get up to use the restroom, and find out the food came less than a minute after you left? Happens to me all the time! When I expect something I somehow lay out a plan for what it's going to look like, how it's going to be, how long it will take, what it will feel, taste, or smell like... the likelihood of me actually predicting the outcome is almost non-existent, therefore, I have already set myself up for disappointment. When you let go of that expectation, change your thought process, you set yourself up to be open to and accepting of whatever happens. Funny how when you do that, things turn out better than what you might have "expected". How many times have you said that before?!?

So here it is... I decided to let it all go for the holidays. Quit trying to sort through the piles of drama and dilemmas that cloud my dating life. I promised myself I would "get through the holidays" and this would be the needed breather... I let it go. Anyone can handle 10 days, then a fresh beginning in 2012 right? 

Again... Universe sends a signal. When I stop expecting to hear from, talk to, see, or plan anything with anyone, I find myself suddenly hit with text messages, a phone call, a few requests to get together and a facebook message. I awoke to an Instant Message from JASON wishing me a Merry Christmas at 7am and reconfirming plans to get together tomorrow while he is in town, a Facebook message from JOHN wishing me a Merry Christmas followed by an I miss you, and later a text from JOEY. Less expected was the get together with CHRIS, with whom I spent 4 hours today who spoiled me with gifts... and to whom I brought nothing :o...

Putting everything back into context, if I had any expectations for the day, chances are I'd find disappointment in most of these things somewhere - timing, from who, when, about, why not...  Instead, my Christmas was a little less stressful... things fell into place nicely, and here I sit... satisfied.

Hmmm... that was easy ;)  Let it go...  Merry Christmas friends!

When you think you can't, you just do...

We hear and say it all the time, "listen to your gut", "trust your instincts", "look for the signs".  I've got to be honest... sometimes I'm convinced my gut has laryngitis?!? LOL.  Have you had that moment where you weren't even sure your own two feet could carry you somewhere?  Is that your gut or just fear?

Last night, after some self-coaxing, I managed to get myself all the way to a social event hosted by CHRIS that I just didn't think I could survive attending alone.  Getting there was no small task, but the harder challenge was the no less than 20 minutes that it took to get out of my car and go inside... events are part of life in my line of work... so what gives?  All in all, the event went fine, despite barely speaking to the host.

I guess it leaves me with the reminder that no matter how difficult or impossible or dreaded a situation feels... the anticipated outcome is always far worse than the actual outcome.  When you're stuck overthinking and dwelling... "rip it off like a bandaid!".  JUST DO IT!!!  The thinking always hurts more

If you get a chance take it, if it changes your life let it...

What is it that stops us from being who we are? The very person that someone out there is looking for, and that we can love ourselves. This is a question have asked myself repeatedly over the past 2 years as I float in and out of being who I really am. The single greatest influencer discovered has been FEAR.

I have spent a great deal of time recently exploring what that is, what that means and trying to understand why we some of us give it such importance in life.  Ultimately, I believe fear to be a created emotion to protect myself against disappointment.  Realistically, there isn't much in life we are dealt that we are not capable of handling... so why from time to time do we let fear criple us in vulnerable situations? It is by far the greatest derailer.

Coincidence on the other hand, may be the key to overcoming this fear. A guide to the faith that things happen for a reason. The chance to explore the timing of life and how very much things line themselves up with little of our own input.

This brings me back to faith, and my all time favourite quote

 "Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget the ones who don't. And believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

Let it go...

Funny how something most of us learned very early in life, which seemed so simple at the time, can be of such value and challenge in our adult lives. The adage that "If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, it was always yours, if not... it never was". Seems simple enough right?

Oddly, my lessons always come back to me out of some coincidence or another. The day I needed to hear that sometime's letting go is easier... I ran into a friend of mine, who was covered in bruises.  She laughed at herself while she told me the story. She had been on a ropes course, clipped for safety and instructed, if you fall, let go!!! The system was designed to safely catch anyone who slipped from the course. Instead, she did what we all do - she fought to HOLD ON. She looked back and laughed and said "if I would have just trusted and let go, I would not have gotten so hurt".  This struck me that day, as I looked back at many things that didn't go quite right and realized that the pain I had experienced was in many ways enhanced by my own efforts to fight to hold on...namely in relationships.

Here I sit today... knowing this with every ounce of my being, yet I still struggle at times with the idea of just letting go... when I do, it's freeing!  Every coincidence in my life must serve as an example that things will naturally line themselves up when I stop trying to make everything happen myself :)

So if this is you, you're not alone...

Stick around for a while... the male/female friendship, can it be real?

So you come to the conclusion things are not on the same page at the moment. Do you go for the clean break and run... or the stick around let's be friends?  How often do you start a friendship with someone you met while dating? Do they work?

I'm very curious, men and women seem to have very different opinions about what it means for men & women to be friends.  I'd love to hear some thoughts.