Flowing...Lakeside ❤

It's been two months since I moved into the city, perhaps the two fastest months of my life. So here I am taking a step back, lakeside in Muskoka. A chance to check in, catch my breath and reconnect. I pulled off highway 11 a few hours ago and made the usual pit stop at Tim Horton's in Bracebridge,  a good stretch and hot tea in hand and I'd be ready to spend some time with me.  Before I even got that far it struck me how different, refreshing it was to be here.  People held the door, smiled, said hello, offered me to jump ahead in line.  It was a whirlwind of friendliness that for the first moment caught me completely by surprise.  That was me in the city, I came north to sit inside my head, and yet they pulled me out.  I immediately felt the warmth of a place that feels like home... I smiled all the way back to my car.  Yep, the small town girl is still inside, and now filled with a renewing sense of warmth.

I made my way up Highway 118 into Port Carling, feeling amazed at just how many little changes had taken place in the short few months since I'd been here.  The sleepy port waking up from a long winter, getting ready to welcome a whole new season of cottaging.  Sitting here now beside Lake Rosseau, eyes closed, the world is still... The air cool, but with promise that spring is here.  The water flowing slowly beside me, lapping gently on the sides of the dock I'm sitting on...I can hear and feel everything.  At last, I took the deepest longest breaths I could sighing loudly...is there a better more refreshing feeling? 

All around me are signs of newness...the geese are back and lazing in the water. The snow is melting, new buds are poking their fresh green sprouts.  It's beautiful and I am awestruck.  Just the way I needed to be, and probably more then I imagined I would be.  I have finally caught my breath again...and it feels amazing.  My head is clear, my heart is open, my body is strong, and there is a great energy in my life.  I just needed a little time with me. I'm in the flow...

Ever noticed the days that just fly by? You can't explain them, they're just great...maybe even easy. You're happy, and things are all going in amazing directions.  It's what people refer to as "flow". I've heard the term so many times, I've experienced it so many times too. It can be easy however to revert to our human tendency to go against the flow.  Often what we want and what we need don't necessarily line up.  I read a book that described this as paddling upstream...maybe because we think we want what is upstream, maybe because our culture teaches us to work hard for what we want.  It's a lesson we'll likely all learn over and over. But every time we turn the boat around and go with the current, we find our flow... Life and all that it offers comes easier.  I am learning every time I lose that flow, that there is an easy way back...to listen to, feel, and be lead by your emotions.  This can be difficult in a world that operates heavily on logic.  

The simple (not easy) way to do this is to get in tune with the little voice inside you.  Create the space you need to remove yourself from the outside noise. Then...just notice...how do YOU feel?  Busy mind? Heavy heart? Questions? Exhausted, lacking energy? if anything feels unsettled, there's a chance you're paddling upstream.  Awareness is the key to making change. Get back in this moment, and enjoy it :)

Sun is shining, a season of all that is new lays ahead of us. In the words of my Yogi "it's all good!" ❤

Intrusive or Uninterested...Interesting.

The learning continues... I've recently been dating a lawyer, not that his job is important other than for general background information.  I can say I have no hopes or expectations for the relationship, but in a promise to remain open, I figured it couldn't hurt to continue to get to know him, and in the meantime it is helping me continue to learn about myself.

Alas, something came up that made me question a few things.  Do you have to be intrusive to get to know someone? This partly arose out of the trend toward a heavy reliance on texting in the communication realm of dating.  To be honest, it's really becoming a turn off for me... I am all for a text anytime to say hello, to send a random thought or smile.  I can be quite smitten with a text out of the blue.  However, that's where it ends...full on getting to know you conversations by text just aren't my style. Yet, a very small handful of the men that I have dated have actually picked up the phone. 

Ok, text versus phone aside, back to the lawyer...both in text and in person he has suggested a necessary level of intrusiveness as a sign of interest.  Turns out I'm not intrusive enough...I guess there's potentially some level of truth to that. I feel when the chemistry is there, the conversation can just flow...no intrusion required. Is that high expectations?  Early on in one particular relationship, the conversation was so incredible I might have bought the product sight unseen...

Hmmm.... After a crazy busy week, it's definitely time to take a breather from the City and dating...off to my favourite escape to recenter :) . 

Smiles In The City...

Is it possible to be alone in a city of millions? I’ve been pondering the opinions of many columns and men that I know, and I’m sure the same applies in reverse – that we live in a very unapproachable city. So… I’ve dedicated every opportunity to testing that theory for myself.  After a meeting on the Waterfront, despite the windchill the sun was shining, and I decided to walk straight up York Street with a smile on my face.  A surreal thing happened… despite the smile on my face and great mood I was in… it seemed as though I was walking empty streets. NO ONE, man or woman, even looked at me. I actually laughed for half of the way back, no matter how hard I tried, I made eye contact with one woman, nodded my head hello and smiled, she quickly turned away.  The only man who’s attention I caught seemed more interested in the Kors on my feet then the smile on my face. LOL. I could have been the President and no one would have noticed. The walks to and from work are never this way. It seems people are afraid to make eye contact. A survey at work suggested, people are afraid someone will want to talk. Hmm…

Samantha and I set out to do some leg work on the smile project in a more social setting.  What better night than a Thursday in the City… oddly the first person we met called it “Suit Night”.  We knew we had picked the right night for our project. Turns out he was also the President of an organization that specializes in where to go and what to do in the city.  Unlike the day time experience, our evening flowed seamlessly from one person to the next smiling and making eye contact. We met Mr. Virginia the CEO of a software firm, and were enlightened by his take on our city. Shocking… he suggested the same. He rode an elevator 47 floors in silence… Yet our first stop was thriving with people looking for connection.

We later found ourselves engaged in conversation with 2 men from Vancouver, and one from Montreal. A smile, a joke, and a great conversation was started. We were in our flow… and then we wondered – why after meeting 8 different men had we only met people who had moved into the city…  Side note, Mike from Montreal suggested he had a friend that would be a great match for Samantha. Pretty cool… a potential date that didn’t originate online… stay tuned J

We left and walked down King Street West smiling and laughing. On a whim when 3 men smiled back at us, we asked where they were from – at last, one was born and raised in Toronto. We walked down the street a few steps ahead, and got a very weak invitation to join them at a pub, we thanked them but had our heads on dinner at a local spot we call “Cheers”.

Cheers was hopping. Greeted by the managers, we found a prime table where we could watch the action close to the door and at the bar. A great destination for singles in the city, the place is always packed with the most eligible and some of the best looking people in the city (subjective of course). We watched the song and dance between a group of men and a group of women standing by the bar. We made eye contact and the across the room flirting began. After dinner and some random reunions with old friends, we headed back to a hopping spot down the street.

We ended our night at Weslodge. Jampacked and overflowing into the street. Now 3 women, the server whom we’d met at another venue a few months back encouraged us to sit with a table she had been serving, 3 men.  Conversation was light and fun, turns out they were professional football players. Again… not from the city, but fun and open nonetheless. 

And so, I still feel resistant to draw a conclusion. But I do feel inspired to continue to open the city one smile at a time, and hey, we met some really great people in the meantime  J

Get out there and try it! Don’t be the unapproachable one, and have some fun with it!!!  What a great night.

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Junior Friday in the City...

Not sure what it is, but there is no night like a Thursday night in Toronto.  The only thing a girl can be sure of is that if she's willing to go with the flow, it will make for one incredible story on Friday :).

From a gathering at the neighbourhood " Cheers" where everyone knows your name, to a chance reunion with a friend from 15 years ago... It was by far one of the most random and people filled nights in the city.  The Smile Project is well underway. With a little I will look forward to stringing that all together. Sweet dreams...

Soulmates...They Always Seem to Find Each Other

The other day, someone in my life, with whom I've become more involved with recently, opened up about a very deep wound they are suffering with. A wound I've had to heal in my own life... and it occurred to me, my path into this persons life had a reason beyond the obvious one I'd once thought. I suddenly felt an unexplainable level of understanding and connection...reaffirming the ability of old souls, like souls, and soft souls to find each other.

I recently read two articles about the idea of soulmates. It was a different perspective, and got me thinking how often we miss the chance to connect with a soulmate or to even recognize them in our pursuit of "the one".  What if the definition of soulmate were to include any soul, a friend, stranger, lover, that seemingly came into your life to serve a purpose, teach you something...ultimately to leave you changed...better then you were...

What is the human journey all about? At the end we take nothing with us but our soul...perhaps success is becoming the best soul you can be.  How much of that opportunity lies in the ability to identify those soulmates? A soulmate may come and go, they have a purpose in your life. in some cases once that purpose is served and the lesson is tested, we/they are free to move on to another soul.  Lots of people come and go in our lives, just as we do in theirs. Some may reappear, some won't, some may be here to stay. What's important isn't how long they stay, but if you've accepted  their purpose or gift in your life, you may always keep them in your heart ❤.

My life has been blessed with several of these souls.  Two that come immediately to mind...have forever left me changed. The first showed me the affection and awakened my sense of feeling after a decade of living protected from my own ability to feel.  A soulmate has the ability to trigger your deepest fears, pains and emotions.  They often come into your life to bring all that you've buried to the surface.  It can be difficult to recognize the blessing during times of discomfort...but this is the process...it is in this discomfort that we are growing...expanding into a better version of ourselves.  The words "growing pains" will carry a new deeper meaning in your life once you are aware.  The departure of this first soul from my life hurt more then anything I'd ever experienced. For the first time in my life I believed a heart could actually ache. I thought the pain would never pass, I'd never love another. Initially I vowed I'd never let another get so close.  I know I'm not alone on this...  But it did, and I did, and it was worth it.

In fact I met another soulmate. The one who would not only trigger my deepest fears and pains, but bring to light things I never even understood to have been affecting my life. This soul would continue to challenge me...to face fear, to overcome it, to move forward, to love out loud, and ultimately to find the chance to finally fall in love with myself... for the first time in my life.  It was one of the toughest relationships I've ever been involved in. It was confusing, enlightening, uncomfortable, challenging, and also rewarding, inspiring and freeing.  This person has truly left me changed...feeling stronger then I've ever felt, and more accepting of the real me I might have never known, focused and hopeful, and perhaps the most challenging lesson...to be present and patient. Truly in the moment, guided by emotions and feelings, not plans and the need for security and control.

 Today, I am enjoying what is right in front of me. I am grateful to have known many souls and open to the many I have yet to meet, and all that lies ahead... Sure I have my days, but knowing the peace I feel when I'm in my flow...I remind myself there is no need for struggle in this moment.

If you're uncomfortable... Ask yourself if you could be growing, changing...be grateful (gratitude feels better)

"Never, ever, ever give up! Chances are if you FEEL like giving up, you're on the edge of your Breakthrough" ~ Mandy Hall

Love Out Loud...

Ever caught yourself saying, I should have said? Frustrating, hind sight is always 20/20. Sure it's cliche, but it's the truth...  Have you spent nights in bed lying wide awake with your thoughts when all you wanted to do was sleep?  Chances are you were rehashing a situation...the shoulda, woulda, coulda's.  At some point we've all been there :) try as we might to deny it.  It would seem that it is an inevitable part of getting to know yourself, and that is an ongoing journey.  Just as you get there, you change.  It's all good!

What if this could be different? What if 99% of the time you laid your head on your pillow you could close your eyes and fall asleep?  You can...I'm not going to tell you it's easy. But as a self-diagnosed over thinker, I can tell you it is possible. Ready for the secret???  Can you handle it? Hold your breath, this might change your life...

Get to know yourself.

Yep, it's that simple.  No, simple does not mean easy.  Something a wise friend took several months to teach me...that I continue to work at from one day to the next, that has changed my life from going to bed recapping my day and all the things I'd have done differently, to.... I did everything I needed and wanted to do.  A little concept called Loving Out Loud.

It's about taking the moment to check in, in every situation. Check in with yourself.  Find out who you are, what you want, how you feel, what you believe.  Once you can hear and trust that voice...speak with it. Without fear, without concern for what someone may think. If you use that voice from a place that honours who you truly are, the things you truly believe and your values, you will have little to question about the choices you make.

The strength comes in voicing your inner truth in all that you do.  In relationships whether intimate or friendly, in business, in all matters, knowing that it's ok if your views do not align with another.  It it not a win or lose... It is honouring yourself. It is putting your head on your pillow at night without guilt or regret. It is telling the world and the people you value most what is in your heart whether they are on the same page or not.  It is the peace of mind that comes from knowing that if something happened, your truth has been spoken. It's the reason I kissed my parents goodnight and told them I loved them in case I didn't wake up to another day to tell them.

Love out loud...there is nothing worse then the regret of not telling someone how you really felt...even if they never felt the same.  Let go of the results (expectation) and live your truth. In the words of Pink

"Where there is a desire, there is gonna be a flame. Where there is a flame, someone's gonna get burned.  But just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die, you've gotta get up and try..."~ Try, Pink

The Smile Project...

It seems there is a trend in the city...well perhaps more of a misunderstanding about what's happening among the sexes.  On occasion, I, like many of the women I speak to on a regular basis have been known to say "men never approach me".  A couple of articles and a discussion with a handful of men from the friends and dating categories, it seems Toronto is an unapproachable city where women are concerned.

Not to fault women, but to question whether or not we perhaps are our own problem, I started to take an assessment of myself.  I recently asked a man on a date when was the last time he had met a woman in person and asked her out?  I figured the question was fair game as he inquired about my online dating experience. I'm not really sure his answer surprised me...he basically reiterated what every article and book suggested...women in this city do not come across as approachable.  On deeper inquiry I learned women seldom make eye contact, almost never smile, let alone actually strike up a casual conversation.  

I personally recall situations where I've said that I was looking for a sign before taking any action.  How is it that I would not have seen that maybe just maybe a man was too?  It's human nature to feel our way through situations. Rejection sucks on all levels... It's life, but lets face it, it sucks and if it can be avoided, most will.  So...

At dinner with a girlfriend Stacey, we decided to test the theory...on our walk from Fresh to the movie theatre we both smiled and made eye contact with every man we passed.  A fee things happened... Not only did we burst into complete laughter out of the pure joy of every unexpected response, but more importantly, almost every encounter gauged a response!!! Could it be true?  The project continues stay tuned for updates.

Warming the city one smile at a time... Ladies help us and yourselves out!  (Wherever you are... )