Surrender to a life more perfect than any plan!

In a recent CrossFit session, the coach made an interesting point that keeps resonating with me, especially this week.  He pointed out how technique for some of the more complicated movements actually improves as a person gets tired. Basically, the body becomes more efficient instinctively recruiting the right muscles to get the job done when the mind has given up on the ones it recruits.

It's been quite the few months for me. I took an incredible opportunity with my company. One that in four months has seen me the busiest I've ever been in life. Between the mentally demanding nature of my job, and the physcially demanding nature of the travel required, I suddenly found myself exhausted from all the other things that had been so much apart of my life. The overthinking, the worry, the planning. I suddenly no longer had time for any of it. Oddly, this was a gift. The chance to reprioritize my life and the people in it. I have never in my life appreciated just how precious time is, until I suddenly found myself without any. Without any effort my life began to realign itself, it became simple and clear where my values and priorities lay. My energy naturally shifted to the things that I needed.

I have become inherently more effective in so many areas of my life. I took up CrossFit two months ago to meet my need to focus on health, fitness and strength. I am happiest and most complete when I feel that my body can do anything. It lends to my mental well being, and my overall ability to function as the best possible version of myself.  With that, the value I place on my friendships has also realigned, my desire and commitment to dating and what I'm looking for has shifted. I am satisfied.  I am happy. I am complete. It's as though I've finally fatigued from trying, and have shifted to autopilot. My heart and mind now carry me in the best possible way to the best possible situations.

I surrendered, and just as in the past, every time I do, amazing things I could have never dreamed of have made their way into my life.  My eyes and heart are wide open to everything coming. I continue to put energy in the places I can control, but spend much less fighting the rest. People have come and gone from my life, and in most situations I am happily satisfied with the gift or lesson they've brought to my life.

I ran into a friend I haven't seen since highschool (about 15 years ago) as we crossed an intersection in Downtown Toronto in opposite directions. We are an hour from where we both met and grew up. She asked me about my writing. She brought me another sign. I met another long time friend for coffee to talk about song writing. And just last night, I met the person who is without question the person I need to really get my book project into action.

Today, I'm fatigued by the inefficient way I've been living my life. In surrendering to that fatigue, my life is now leading me in the right direction without my input. I feel like things are really lining up... eeeeee! I'm excited and scared, but feel like I'm on the verge of another major shift.

Surrender...to a more perfect living than any you could have planned for.

Yes, I shop the way I love. Feel it...

Yesterday I set out to shop. I took the day off work, and was so grateful after a hectic few months of travel and life to have a day to myself. I love walking around this city. Despite the chill in the air, I enjoyed the warmth and softness of the cashmere scarf I tucked under my jacket. I had no place to be, and no plan in mind. I stepped out onto King Street West and couldn't help but smile. It's days like this that my heart believes the whole world is waiting at my door step.

A friend called while I was walking. He wanted to share a moment of clarity in his life. I absolutely love when people do this. It lifts me in some unexplainable way. I'm genuinely happy when people, including me, discover how finding your truth means finding true happiness.  It's an honest release from the weight of holding on to anything that isn't for you.

He asked what I was shopping for. I told him I had no idea, I was going to shop with my heart and buy whatever gave me that feeling... but it was probably going to be a day of big finds, because that's when I find it. He laughed, he always reminds me how my sense of blind hope and optimism in the unknown is refreshing. What he doesn't know, if that I got more from that conversation with him than he did. I hung up smiling, feeling a little more love for myself too.

I walked in and out of store after store. Little things inspired me, but I was looking for something much bigger. At last I walked into a designer shoe store. The first thought that bubbled up, I hope I don't find anything here, it's more than I want to spend.  Before I realized it, I was drawn into the store, and that thought had fleed my mind faster than it had entered.

I picked up a beautiful shoe, brushed my fingers over the soft material, lost in my thoughts, I barely noticed the woman who had approached me. "Are you looking for something particular today? Is there anything I can help you find?". It took me a second to collect my thoughts. I crinkled my nose, searching for an answer, logic told me I was supposed to give her a list. Nope. Couldn't find the list. I continued to stare at the shoe in my hand, then a smile stole my cheeks. "Nothing at the moment. I'm looking for a feeling, I'll know it when I find it". I put the shoe back on the shelf, turned, looked into her eyes and said "I'm looking to fall in love", I blinked, smiled and shot her a look that could only say you know what I mean?!  She nodded, almost speechless, smiled back at me and sighed. She knew exactly what I meant.

I'm not looking for a list. I know that even if I had one, it wouldn't guarantee I'd fall in love. I'm looking for that item, the one that no matter what, I will have to have.  I've never regretted a purchase yet, only the ones I left behind. Still thinking of those Purple Ferragamo's I found at an airport boutique when logic told me not to spend that on a pair of shoes...

Your heart won't mislead you, and it doesn't need a list. Feel it...