The Best Gift of All

Tonight I met my long time best friend for dinner. She flew home from San Francisco for the Holidays. We see each other on average about twice a year, and pick up right where we left off. After more than 20 years of friendship, we can read each other inside out and backwards. We have seen it all, lived through it all and even when our paths have travelled great lengths apart, we always end up together.

Tonight at dinner she slipped an envelope across the table, and wished me a Merry Christmas. We stopped doing big gifts years ago as we have lived in different cities, and in most years different countries for the past 12 years.  I opened the envelope, and knew without reading it was something VERY big... in it was an official job announcement. She had already moved home 4 days ago and kept the whole thing under wraps from everyone, including me. She couldn't wait to surprise me. I am still stunned. It is a dream come true. We have always laughed and joked about the day we would live in the same city.  Moment after moment we shared our plans for the year, all the things we ever dreamed of doing together but had not yet had the chance. I could barely digest the news.

Sitting back a few hours after receiving what might simply be the best gift a girl could ask for, I can only smile. Something's never change. The things that matter most cannot be bought. They are the people, the moments, the memories. My best friend and I have transformed, and now come back together. We are both successful in our careers and personal lives, and still single. We have never felt alone though although at one point we lived as far apart as Canada and Costa Rica.

With the holidays approaching, I  continue hearing from single's alike how much they struggle to get through the holidays. I get it... I have skipped Christmas Dinners, and cried on New Years Eve. I have also realized that those were wasted moments, as my life has always been filled with the things that mattered. I've just gotten so narrowly focused at time's on the things I wanted to focus on and lost sight of the things I needed and the things that mattered. Welcome the love from the people around you. There is so much love, so many people who would give their world to make yours happy. Don't miss the gifts that are right in front of you, those are the most precious, freely given, and valuable gifts in life.

I am so grateful, happy and certain that life is coming together, and so far it has far exceeded anything I had ever planned or imagined! Embrace the magic of the season!

Embracing Fear in Order to Grow

I've always melted for clichés in life. I am amused every time they prove themselves true. One saying that has been prevalent in my life these past few weeks is the idea of doing something everyday that scares you. The growth that comes out of these experiences is really life changing. From the change in mindset to the sense of mastery, once you have done something that truly scares you and you are given the proof that the fear was never really real. Is there anything more freeing or incredible feeling than understanding that?
 
The past few weeks have been scary for me. I have finally committed to a major project and there is no backing down now. Every single day I have awaken to a new fear. One by one, I am facing them. At the end of each day I sit in amazement at what I was able to do. It's the old rip it off like a band-aid approach. The longer I give myself to sit and think on something the more likely I can freak myself out, talk myself out of it, or come up with the perfect excuse for why I can't do it. So... I've gotten into the habit of embracing those fears. So much so, that when the opportunity presented itself about a week ago, I agreed without thinking to do a television interview. Well, here I am the night before, and it is probably one of the few things I have never dreamed of doing. But... I know in 24 hours from now I will be sitting in this very spot smiling that I did it, and it is not as bad as the noise in my head.

So here I am, and openly sharing with you that tomorrow scares the hell out of me!!! However, I am not willing to worry about it for now. Whatever you face, just know there is nothing you can't manage to do for an hour. Go for it... embrace your challenges :) Stay tuned!
 

Surrendering to Things Beyond our Control, Snow Storm Toronto

There is something so magical about a great snow storm in this city. It's as if a blanket of quiet is laid upon the city. It has this undervalued ability to wipe out the expectations of every day life. Extending time lines, an acceptable excuse to change or cancel plans, to arrive late. It is as if it removes the biggest stress of city living by leveling the playing field and creating a community of people bounded by the same limitation. It is almost refreshing.

The city takes on a beautiful glow of calmness not ordinarily felt. I had the chance to spend some time today looking out on the world. Living in the heart of King West, the frenzy of the world lasts every day all day into the wee hours of the morning. Today was a welcomed opportunity to just sit back and let go of the need to keep up.

I enjoyed the chance to spend some time indoors writing. Warm and cozy in the quiet of my condo, watching the snow fall. King Street much quieter than usual. No honking horns, or people yelling. I ventured to meet friends in the café on the corner. Everyone was in a melancholic state. No where to rush off to, no desire to get busy with the usual errands. It's as if the city just took the day off to be still.

Amazing how we can become so caught up in life and miss the opportunity to purely enjoy a moment. I love storms for this reason. They force I to slow down. Let go of expectations. Surrender to the forces and things that are out of our control. No honking the horn to make the driver ahead move faster, no racing to meet deadlines, or stressing over someone late to lunch. Just at peace that there are factors outside of our control. Imagine how much less stressed we would experience if we could acknowledge this every day?

The Wonder & Awe of Seeing Life for the First Time...Catching Snowflakes

I set out for CrossFit. The wind swept my first breath away the second I stepped out onto King Street downtown Toronto. The chill in the air stung my skin, an abrupt reminder that winter is here. I adjusted, and for a moment escaped in my mind to embrace the warmth and softness of the cashmere scarf I’d pulled up over my chin. The snow fell softly as I stood waiting to cross at one of the busiest intersections in the city. I noticed people all around me rushing to escape the cold.

For a moment, I just stood still. I couldn’t help but smile as the snow gently tickled my cheeks, a rhythm of its’ own, despite the chaos and frenzy of traffic and people all around me. I could help but stick out my tongue to catch a snowflake, and then giggled at the feeling of being a child again just for a moment. Not a care in the world. It felt SO GOOD. I couldn’t help but smile the rest of the way. It occurred to me how so often I am so far ahead or behind of the moment in my thoughts that I miss the chance to enjoy such simple and beautiful wonders. Like how peaceful the world can seem when it snows, a reminder of the miracles of everyday life that surround us.

In that moment, an intense sensation of warmth flowed through my body. Never in a million years did I picture my life as it is today. Pretty awesome! In a quick reality check as I heard a car honking at the next intersection, it dawned on me how much stress we face when we cannot stay present in a moment.

What if we could learn to see through the eyes of our inner child again? To experience the world as it happens, with wonder and awe. To be inspired, surprised and delighted by the things around us every day. To let go of the need to anticipate, prepare, plan or escape this moment. Right here, right now, no matter what or who is on your mind, everything is ok. A child embraces life as it comes. Reacting authentically to every situation. No need to apply past experience, seeing everything for the first time.

Everything we see actually is for the first time. We simply choose to apply our past experiences to everything that comes instead of sitting back and simply observing life as it unfold before us, knowing nothing is like anything we’ve ever experienced before. We are free to explore and judge everything for the first time.

Surviving the Holiday Season as a Single

“I can’t believe YOU are still single?!??” There they are the words that sink a ship in a single person’s world.  Up until now life has been great, free, fun and full.  You’ve lived a life most would give anything for. Done everything you wanted, went places, slept late, snuck out early, watched the sunrise, ate breakfast at 3am, indulged in random dinners, last minute getaways and shopping sprees. You even looked forward to the holidays. Then arrived at the party, someone pointed out the obvious – you are still single. No big deal. Followed by the sucker punch, “You’re too good of a catch to be single, why are you single? I’m sure you will meet someone soon”. Suddenly, you yourself question why you are single, maybe it is you. Suddenly, being single seems like a curse, a poor soul waiting to be rescued by love.

When did living a great life become defined and tied to relationship status?  Having spent the greater part of my life in relationships, I remember more moments of loneliness in the wrong relationships then I’ve had in the past three years of single life.  

With the holidays approaching we are bombarded with images of the “perfect Holiday”. Life’s unwritten playbook cleverly painting a vision of what it means to be happy at the Holidays. Images of couples gazing lovingly at each other; the quintessential family made up of mom and dad and their two perfect children; the advertisements for the perfect gifts for him or her. It’s everywhere, the unwritten vision of a perfect life.

Christmas has always been my favourite holiday. The warm glow of the fireplace, family scattered around the room, candles and twinkling lights, delicious smells, smiles, and traditions. It was a magical time of year, until I spent my first Holiday Season alone. No “plus one” for the holiday parties.  No one to snuggle up beside by the fireplace on Christmas Eve.  No one to sleep in with and share breakfast in bed on a lazy day off.

That Christmas Eve started out great, catching up with family who had come home for the holidays. We sat to dinner, my sister and I laughing and reminiscing. Before diving into the feast before us, Mom shared her usual words of gratitude and prayer; grateful everyone made it home safely, blessed for the food on the table, great family and friends, and may Jackie find love… what? I almost choked on the lump that quickly formed in my throat.  I fell quickly into the easy trap of being victim to my circumstance.

In hindsight, and 2 additional Holiday Seasons single, the sinking feeling and sadness had nothing to do with my relationship status. Anyone can have a relationship if they want to. There is always someone who would be happy to be with you.  Therefore, being single is a choice. Is everyone who is in a relationship truly happy?

Happiness is a mindset. For those brave enough to embrace life as it is in any moment with or without a significant other, there is infinite opportunity. Through my own heartache I have learned, that the pain and dread we feel is ultimately within our control. There is very little in life more painful than a broken heart. There is a cure. However, it doesn’t come in an easy to swallow format – it’s called presence.  What we feel is the pain of a shattering dream, the vision of how life was supposed to be. No one actually knows how it will be. We just imagined how we wanted it to be. When things turn out differently, we are disappointed.  We resist being present in the moment. We look back to a moment that passed, than forward as a little voice inside points out it won’t be the same again. That hurts. Why doesn’t that same voice finish its sentence with, “...it will be better?”

The ability to change our thoughts gives us the power to change our lives. Life will continue to unfold regardless of whether you think about it or not. The holidays will come and go year after year.  Why work so hard. Let go of the vision of “what it should” look or feel like and embrace what is.  The pain and fear are resistance to the possibility of outcomes we can never know for certain.

The holiday season is no doubt an emotionally taxing time of year, especially for singles.  It can be easier. My father once told me to imagine life as two roads. They both ultimately end in the same place. One is bumpy, one is smooth. The beauty is, you get to choose which road to be on, and you get to switch back and forth as many times as you like. Which road would you choose?

That bumpy road is the road full of expectations. Disappointment cannot arise unless we had a benchmark in our head for what we expected. The holidays offer such a unique opportunity to explore what will happen when we release expectations and leave room for the unexpected.  Watch a child this Holiday Season, the marvel, the wonder, the magic. A child is free, present in every moment, unaware and uninterested in guessing all the possible outcomes of the future. Fully alive and deeply immersed in the experience of everything they feel in a given moment.  If you watch, you know exactly how they are feeling. From intense joy, anger, upset, or delight.  They are living in the moment, continually amazed as life unfolds before them. They are on the smooth road.  They openly receive the love and possibility around them.

This Holiday let your inner child out. Being single is a gift of limited responsibility for pleasing anyone but yourself. Celebrate being single. After all, it is your choice! Forget the rules. Don’t wait around to see how the holidays will turn out, full of dread of anticipation of what will happen. Wake up each day, and notice how you feel. Call the shots. Live in the moment. Host a last minute party for all of your single friends and the people in your life who make you feel amazing. Stay up late, sleep in. Make yourself breakfast in bed. Start your own traditions. Loneliness and singleness are not the same thing. Be alive and present this Holiday Season. Sit back and enjoy the Holidays and the endless opportunities and engagements that will come your way when you are open to them. Live it up. Write your own rules. Let your inner child embrace the magic.

Beyond the walls...lays endless possibility

Life has an amazing way of bringing you things you never dreamed of. The only catch... you have to be willing to let go of things that are holding the space that it wants to fill for you.

I recently made a personal resolution to put a situation to peace in my heart and soul, and truly let it go. It's always easy to hold on to things. It gives us a false sense of control, and calms the fear that if we don't hold on, something will slip away. The reality in life is, there is very little we have the power to hold onto. Life only guarantees one thing, change.

As humans who experience life through our feelings, change is a living breathing threat to the life we are conditioned to live. We have grown an averse reaction to discomfort to the point that we build invisible boxes around our world. Falsely believing that we have the power to control our environment so as to keep things stable and comfortable.  I recently read a piece that spoke of a dog with an invisible fence. What if that dog could learn to tolerate the discomfort of his electronic collar? What if it realized that the collar itself has no power to actually harm it? The world would then be open to his hearts content.

We choose to sit within our own boundaries more often then not in life. We build invisible walls and boundaries, lay rules and expectations in a futile effort to create certainty, therefore comfort. While this certainly can still produce a happy life, what if it could have been happier?

The same can be said for love. What if we could learn to embrace the discomfort of vulnerability. To break down the invisible walls which represent the unwritten rules about love? Open our hearts and know that there is a limitless potential to fill ourselves with love if only we will step outside our comfort zone...

In life, we take the same steps when we let go of the things we hold onto because they are familiar, comfortable. The jobs that weigh us down, but guarantee us income, the relationship that keeps us company but doesn't fulfill us. What if we could take a step and peak beyond the electric fence, let go of the discomfort of the fear of whether or not we will succeed or find what we are looking for. What if we stopped trying to figure out what that is altogether and instead embraced and experienced everything with the awe and wonder of a child who bravely faces everything as a first without fear or apprehension.

Let's get uncomfortable and see beyond the walls of what we already know and explore the wonder of what we have yet to discover.

Clearing the Steam to See in the Mirror

I’ve always heard the expression that people come into your life to reflect parts of yourself you may not be familiar with. Things you like, things you don’t like. A glimpse of who you really are behind the layers of expectations you have and you fulfill. We’ve come to exist in a world that subliminally teaches us everything we believe. How we should feel, what we should like, what life and love should be.  The mirror gets steamed up pretty quickly with images of the “perfect life” the “perfect person”.

I have been blessed with the gift of many mirrors in my life. People who have joined me on various parts of my journey, every one left footprints on my heart and truly left me changed. Awakened.
Most recently I had the chance to spend a weekend with a friend who has been in my life for a few years now.  With this person, I have always been able to be me. I have shared my hopes, my dreams, my goals, my fears, my pain.  I have called him in tears over my heart break and confusion in life, my fears and moments when life has overwhelmed me. For the longest time I felt sad that it always seemed to be me who was benefitting from this friendship. Today my friend thanked me. He felt he had been the one to gain. More importantly, he shared all the reasons he adores me. The most incredible thing has happened. He described my soul. Words I’d never heard. A reflection of what I put out to the world when I am just being me.
Another reminder of how much simpler and happier life can be when I find the strength to stand naked in my own skin before a world that cleverly convinces me to wear a million masks. My heart is full tonight with gratitude for the years of practice and enlightenment, encouragement, strength and love this friendship has brought my life.

I have spent so many years looking for love to come from specific places. But it has been all around me all along. I just haven’t been brave enough to let it in…to clear the steam and look directly in the mirror.