I just hung up the phone with a Wedding Planner. You read that right, a Wedding Planner. I am planning a wedding?! I can’t help but sit here and smile. Our conversation really gave me the chance on this gloomy day to reflect on where I’ve been, what I’ve learned and how much my life has changed.
Two years ago this very time, I remember looking up, tears rolling down my cheeks and literally surrendering to the idea that I would ever find the right kind of love. I felt beat up, let down, and sad. After a good long cry, the pain turned to numbness. With one last sob I said aloud, “perhaps this is my purpose in life, to get beat up in love and write about it in the hope that my story would help someone else feel less alone in their experience. Ok, I accept that. Other than love, I have an amazing life - filled with great friends, family and a lifestyle many would give a lot for.” Just like that, I decided I would move on, embrace the life I was living, and get busy again living it.
Just three weeks later, I flew home from a conference to a rainy dark night in Toronto and dragged myself out on the first date I’d bothered to make in almost 6 months. It took everything in me and a call to my mom to convince myself to go. I had literally just agreed that my life was fine the way it was and the thought of wasting more time and energy on a date stole every last ounce of my energy.
When he asked the question - “What are you looking for?” it kind of seemed like my out. Here we go, nothing left to lose. I let it all out - “I am tired of “hanging out”, dating for the sake of dating. I have a full life, great friends, a crazy job. I am looking for the right relationship, or I’d rather just be alone.” His expression never changed, he just stared through these gorgeous blue eyes, listening and hanging on every word I said. I knew I was in trouble at this point, and I wasn’t sure I had the energy left to say “the right things” and redeem myself. So I continued, and I decided to play the wild card “I am looking to meet a man who wants to date me every day for the rest of my life. I want romance, flowers and candles, and dates! I want to lock him out of the bathroom while I put my best face on and surprise him when I’m ready. I want to curl up on the couch in my yoga pants and just be me.” He said nothing. Thankfully the table was only dimly lit by a candle, because I realized at that moment I might have said too much. I was definitely blushing.
After dinner, he quickly wrapped up the date, gave me a hug, put me in a taxi and sent me on my way. I remember getting in the car, rolling my eyes and sighing, such is life. I called my mom back to tell her I did it. She asked how it went, I replied “I likely will never hear from that guy again.” I laughed. She didn’t think it was funny, the worry in her voice was sweet, “Oh dear. What did you do?” I told her, “I told him exactly what I was looking for, and I laid it on thick.” Before the words were even out of my mouth I heard a ding - he texted me???
Now I was confused. I broke every rule, every piece of advice on “how to get the guy” and this guy obviously didn’t care. He was breaking a few rules too. He texted me before I even got home from a first date?
Least to say, for every man that told me my expectations were too high, here was a guy who was determined to step up and exceed them. That day almost 2 years ago, when I was finally done looking, my life would change forever. There would be no more question of where I stood. No wondering who else was texting my guy. No nights alone wondering if he was on a date with someone else.
My fairytale began. It didn’t require a game plan or strategy. I didn’t have to prepare my story or only tell half my truth. He didn’t want the watered down version of what I was looking for. He wanted to know what it would take to make me happy. Better yet, he has worked every day since to keep that a priority.
There are men (and women) who will do that. If you want this partnership in your life, have the courage to ask for it, all of it. Every last cheesy romantic bit of it. Anyone who isn’t willing to step up isn't deserving of you anyway. Let them go.
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