A Weekend of Surprises...Chivalry is Alive :)

A weekend of openness

This weekend was a busy one, rather exciting as I continue to explore the realm of dating in the city.  I spent the day Saturday with Samantha, we started with a great run on the waterfront in Toronto.  Gorgeous weather finally here, the sun on our faces, the sting in our lungs, burn in our legs and good music to push us through. An amazing start to the day.

That evening I was meeting Evan.  Cleverly this week, barely asking permission, but through an interesting conversation about restaurants we'd never been to, before I even realized it, I'd committed to prime time! He had confirmed a reservation for Saturday night and quickly ended a conversation on Tuesday with "I'll be at your place at 7:15pm on Saturday". I can't decide if I was amused or impressed.  Either way, I figured he deserved my commitment.  True to his word, he was waiting outside my door to pick me up. We took a taxi and were ushered into Church Aperitivo on Queen West.  He'd called in a favour and secured a reservation on a sold out night and some special attention.  For a second I thought back to conversations where I'd been told my expectations were high. But here was a man with courage enough to far exceed my expectations and it made me wonder...I hadn't expected anything, but was simply delighted maybe even shocked that someone had gone out of the way to plan an evening for me.  The date was nice.  Evan is a designer. Conversation was easy, simple and light.  He even sketched a picture of me on a napkin.  He was a gentleman, although I didn't feel a spark. For once, I felt only compelled to enjoy the food and conversation.  

Sunday arrived, another beautiful day in the city.  After a good sleep, I woke early to the sun peeking through my blinds. I was craving a good long run, sunshine, music, and water...my favourite way to catch up with my thoughts, wrap my head around the possibilities of the day and to just plain feel amazing.  

David, whom I'd met Tuesday arrived at 10:30am prompt to pick me up for our brunch date.  Before I could even reach the curb he was out of the black Audi to hug me hello and hold the passenger door open for me.  He slipped into the seat beside me.  I couldn't help but smile. He'd gotten up early and left the cottage to pick me up for the afternoon.  He was sharply dressed and smelled amazing.  We drove north west in the city. He'd asked me to pick a restaurant I'd like to try, and we found ourselves at Farmhouse Tavern.  Thankful for a reservation as the little whole in the wall had a line up out the door.  Conversation was effortless, food was amazing.  David was chivalrous and sweet. I sat back and revelled the moments, I remembered a different time in dating when I'd felt so much pressure and nervousness...things just seem different.

After brunch we parked at my place and walked to the Art Gallery. I'd never been but had it on my list to do for a while.  David insisted we do something I wanted to do.  After some good laughs and discoveries, we made our way back to Queen Street to my favourite spot, David's Tea.  We sat and talked for a few hours over tea.  David was supposed to leave the city by 5pm.  I realized it was 5:30 pm, when I told him. He said he'd cancelled his plans and hoped I was free into the evening.  We then indulged in my Sunday night favourite, dinner at Fresh.  Conversation over the course of several hours was varied and gave me lots to consider on both the positives and some potential differences to. Mostly, I felt a level of awareness I've never experienced in dating. Almost as if I was sitting outside my own mind...just feeling the situation from an outside perspective.

We walked back to my place. David wanted to keep talking as I went about my chores getting organized for the week ahead. I was making my favourite healthy chilli recipe and realized I'd forgotten an onion.  He hopped up and was out the door to find me one.  The grocery store near my condo was closed.  With barely a text to expect a delay, he returned 20 minutes later, he'd run in the rain to the next closest store and returned not only with an onion but a bouquet of pink tulips. Suddenly...again I was reminded, when someone cares you feel it, you see it, you know it...

And so...it was a great weekend. I feel great about the experience and just as strong about my promise to move slowly in whichever direction feels right...

Forgive for you...you deserve peace

Recently I have found a recurring theme in the discussions I've had with friends and others around their situations, their pain, their frustration.  I am the first to admit I still have my days. But given where I've been and where I am now, I must be doing something right.  

Funny when I say forgiveness is the secret, it seems almost laughable. I would have agreed until I learned that it really can be freeing.  Many years ago, as a young girl, I experienced hurt by a family member that I could not understand, not could I accept.  I spent most of my teens angry at this family member.  I wanted an apology. After 4 years of waiting and finally some time with a therapist, it hurt even worse when my therapist suggested "you are waiting for an apology that you're never going to get..." . I thought that was ridiculous. It hurt even more to realize the therapist was probably right.

I sat in the pain of the revelation, and sure enough, my body and mind grew sick and tired of feeling it, and I surrendered. I reached out and reconnected with this person who had been estranged from my life.  I made the decision to forgive them in my heart and mind. We moved forward. For years we enjoyed our connection although we both remained sensitive to the subject of the past.  It took me close to 10 years to forgive wholeheartedly. When I did, I learned to love that person again.  We built a new relationship and that person became my best friend.  7 years later...that apology came...unexpectedly and no longer necessary, it took the breath right out of me.  It meant the world.  But in the meantime I'd been able to enjoy 7 years of peace as I had long prior forgiven.

Little did I know that very same lesson would continue to test me in life.  With Jason, ,u first love who'd had a child with someone else, and then Chris, whom I could never understand and would not let me in.  Sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves in these painful situations is the freedom of forgiveness.  Holding on to hurt, anger and resentment does not punish the person we hold it for...they may not even realize or they may not care... It hurts you.  So...forgive not because they deserve it, but because you don't deserve to carry the weight or the pain.  Let it go..you may have to do it over and over,  but I promise one day it will be gone, and replaced by something much better. Make space in your heart...

"Sometimes the hardest apology to accept is the one you never got"

Spring Cleaning... Lighten the Load :)

Finally a nice stretch of weather ahead.  That time of year where the promise of all that is new has people motivated to prepare to welcome it. Much like a new year, we organize our homes, clearing out the things we no longer need making room to welcome and embrace whatever lays ahead.  How often do we take that approach in our lives and relationships?

How much clutter fills your mind?  It's surprising when you stop to acknowledge your own feelings.  When things feel unsettled and you realize it has to do with things that you never said, would have said differently, wish you never said, things you never did, did, or wish you did differently.  I for be have wasted a lot of time and room in my life holding on to the "clutter". Until recently... You see, everyday is an opportunity to do a spring cleaning.  It's never too late, from this moment forward.  It takes work, and practice.  But...just as you feel with a clean and organized home, life is pretty amazing when your slate is clear too.  

It's the point where you have truly expressed your own truth, without fear of results or challenge. Knowing that the truth has come from a place of love, for yourself.  I have been guilty for years of not speaking my truth to people for fear of hurting them, when I was actually only hurting myself and in turn hurting them through the resentment that silently filled me.  

Today, I feel like my past is clean and organized.  I have been truthful in all of my situations finally. With that I can let the clutter go...out like the trash.  However, we all know the frustration of spending hours cleaning your home only to have it messy again a short time later.  But... It can be easy to keep it that way if you commit to the maintenance everyday moving forward.  With my slate clean, I have promised and continue to work at speaking my truth.  Being honest and upfront with the people in my life about my feelings.  

It's not a perfect process, it's not easy. We all have the chaotic days where we don't have the time to hang up our clothes at the end of the day.  That's ok.  But, before it gets out of control, I am getting much better at making the time to catch up again when I get off track.  If something bothers me, I need to go back to the person or situation, regardless of the outcome, and speak my truth.  It gets easier when you feel the weight that's lifted.  In talking with a friend today I could see my own resistance to doing this in the past, the fear, the weight of the what ifs... As you try this and feel the freeness that follows, it gets easier.  

Lately it seems, the free space I have made in my life has allowed me to welcome in a host of new people and opportunities.  It's a kind of happy I can't even describe, light and free... Give it a try.

Once you're there, it's more important than anything you keep it clean.  Especially when dating. I've learned the hard way, the things I wouldn't say in the beginning grew too big to fix later on. Don't waste the chance to say it... If speaking your truth is a deal breaker for a relationship, it would be doomed by the hoarding anyway...just my humble opinion.

Happy spring cleaning :)

Wasting Precious Moments?

I had the opportunity to share a few previous hours this evening with Graham over a few drinks at the Shangri La. An ex-pat living in the city, overseeing some heavy professional responsibilities.  He has achieved great success in his career, and has incredible vision for the future. A man of great passion and power, direction and confidence.  Only one thing missing...the partner to share his happy ever after.

We shared some incredible conversation, accepting and opening to each others' perspectives. It was another moment for me...another opportunity to learn, to question, to appreciate.  Maybe, could it be possible that there is a time in life when pure selfishness is a requirement? When a person must simply let to of the desire to do for others, to please, to shape, to express and to be what someone else expects?  What if...tomorrow never comes?

Sadly it's a reality. How many opportunities do we pass up out of guilt that it would be selfish to take?  Or is it a matter of perspective. What if not taking the opportunity was selfish? What if it was meant to come along, and meant specifically for you to experience?  Everything happens for a reason.  It comes down to something pretty simple...perspective.

Have you ever shyed away from a compliment, blushed and changed the subject of downplayed the statement.  Why?  Did you feel selfish? I have done it, feeling like accepting might communicate that I feel the same.  What if you not accepting that compliment actually took away the joy of the person who gave it to you? Food for thought... It is all about perspective.

Stop worrying about what others think, selfishly wasting the precious moments that have been given to you...different perspective ❤

Being Me...Effortlessly

It seems I'm once again in my flow.  Just 48 hours go I found myself stalled by my feelings.  Something I needed to say was weighing me own. I took some to to myself to put m thoughts in writing.  I've come to learn in recent months that the weight of things unspoken is far more damaging then the results of speaking my truth.  Immediately after getting the things. Needed to say off my chest I felt the weight magically disappear, and I returned to this new vibe. The shift happened again...when you speak your truth, your personal power grows.

Free and strong, I have been back to being present in my life. And...the universe has responded in kind.  A flurry of invitations came at me. What changed? So odd...but it seems to go back to the paddle boat in the river.  When you follow the current and let go of the  oars, it takes you effortlessly to amazing places and people you never imagined.  So hy fight it?  True strength might look more like endless faith then grunting and fighting to paddle upstream.

Tonight, that flow lead me into the first truly blind date of my life.  The best part about it was the impossibility of any expectation.  I'd never spoken to David, never seen. Photograph, I had nothing more than the few words of the Voice on the phone who arranged the whole date.  And...I just let go.  I walked in without any nerves. The whole evening was effortless.  Conversation flowed, with a blank slate and zero expectation I was completely free to be me! What an incredible experience.  We dined for 3 hours and talked about anything and everything. I am satisfied and sleepy. For once I have no desire to sit and recall the conversation. But rather to know that no decision needs to be made and enjoy this moment for the end to a great night.

David was beyond a gentleman and our conversation simply reinforced all the things I've learned about what I'm looking for.  This is how a first date should feel...effortless.

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? To not be rejected? What if we could change that perspective to see it as a choice? Tonight I was me. Nothing more, nothing less. That's good enough :) 

Letting Go of the Results...Get Ready for it :)

The Surprises that Come...Let Life Come at You

Where have the days gone? The last time I took a breath it was Friday night, I blinked and Monday is gone!  What a great weekend.  I hosted 20+ singles and a handful of couples for good balance. Matchmaker is definitely not on my résumé of skills...but what a great vibe and energy.  I took a few moments during the party to step back and watch an amazing group of people who had only met (for the most part) that evening, yet the room was a buzz with people making new connections.  The room was full of smiles and easy vibes, innocent flirtations and warmth.  What a lucky girl I am to know so many great people. Even newcomers were welcomed and mingled easily a,one the group. It was effortless for me...

Funny how counterintuitive life can be at times. The harder you work in yourrofessional life the more opportunities come your way.  This has paid off for me professionally.  Personally however, the harder I've worked the more disappointed I've found myself. Perhaps the effort is naturally laced with expectation for the outcome,  we are so driven in today's world to create results, it can be tough to sit back and enjoy the pure pleasure of what comes about on its own.

Saturday I sat back and spent the afternoon between yoga and the spa.  The party came together, in fact it came together better then I ever imagined.  I was relaxed and had the opportunity to just enjoy the party myself rather then trying to be everywhere to ensure everyone was having a good time and meeting new people.  Why do we always want to work so hard?  This was perhaps the best party I've ever hosted and enjoyed :)

The same can be for dating. I have worked so hard in relationships only to end up disappointed when the other person never matched my effort.  Now, I'm sitting back...remaining open, even having to carve out time for me and hold it a bit at bay.  Dates have come out of the wood works in the past week. There aren't enough days in a week... I'm not sure what happened apart from a girl learning to share her smile with the world again. 

Today I attended a high profile networking lunch and keynote.  Despite my passion for networking I woke up anxious about the event this morning. I contacted the man who invited me as his guest looking for input so I could figure out my approach.  I finally ran out of time to prepare with a busy morning in the office and some reports due.  When I arrived at the event, I somehow changed my mindset and surrendered to letting others lead.  We were ushered into the per-event VIP session with the guests of honour and a small handful of head table patrons, all the makings for a nerve wracking experience.  Instead, I sat back.  It was natural...shaking hands and sharing experience with upper levels of government and private sector.

I returned to the office after feeling pretty amazing. I had been dreading the event for no reason.  The second I let go of the notion that I was somehow responsible to make anything happen and just relaxed into being myself, doors opened.  I met some incredible people and unlocked new doors for business opportunities.  It occurred to me that dating has been a similarly anxious experience at times.  When I feel no pressure I've always relaxed and allowed the real me to come out.  I kinda like that girl...why do I always keep her a secret?

Boy, is life full when you let opportunities come on their own, and it's so much easier when you don't try to take responsibility for the results :) 

Embrace your Choices...Walk Straight through Hell with a Smile :)

Do we really embrace whatever our status is?  As a single person I have often caught myself craving a relationship, yet I have many friends who think I the lucky one:). Clearly in those moments we are missing the opportunity to just enjoy what is. 

Perhaps it comes down to not taking a moment to acknowledge the power we have in choices that just become routine in our lives. As someone who has been married and now single, I can certainly sit back and appreciate the benefits to both. So perhaps the challenges we feel around our status has nothing to do without status at all but rather our perspective and failure to recognize and capture the opportunities that are present as we are.

It's Saturday morning... I woke up alone.  While I have at many times woken up wishing there was someone beside me, I recognize it is a choice.  I choose to wake up alone rather then wi someone I don't want to be with.  I also chose not to set an alarm, and therefore let my body wake up when it wanted to with no one else there to influence that.  Suddenly I was realizing everything was my choice and I could choose things that made me feel happy and productive.  I had no schedule just targets.  So I threw some laundry on and went for a run. While running I felt my thoughts drift, my mind processing my week past and my day ahead. Then it become increasingly focused on my body... My breath controlled, my face glowing with sweat, my legs felt strong...and I suddenly felt full. Full of everything, happy, healthy, strong, and doing what I wanted to do.  I had been trying to wrap my head around my day and how I'd get it all done, and realized I just will, and my body feels too damn good to hold second to my chores.

There it is, what do I want to do? I've decided to take a few more hours for myself in advance of my party tonight. Sure there's lots to do, but it will get done. In the meantime, I'm taking back 3 hours for me. Off to Yoga followed by a little water spa time at the Shangri-La.  After all, this is my life...everything else can wait :)

Embrace the choices that are yours to make. Don't let the little opportunities and blessings go unnoticed ❤. It's your choice, you could...

"You could run the distance, you could go the mile, you could walk straight through hell with a smile" ~ Hall of Fame, The Script