Disconnected: The HookUp Culture

Naturally the world around us plays a big factor in how we continue to grow and shape ourselves as we progress on the journey of self-discovery. After moving into the heart of downtown Toronto a little more than a year ago, I have come to know a very different world than the one I have lived in for the past several years in the suburbs. Not to say there aren’t many similarities.

I must admit, I’ve really come to enjoy the life I have for the moment on my own. Making spontaneous decisions, limited accountability to anyone, doing everything I could ever want to and more. Being open to and receiving opportunities I could have only ever imagined. Meeting people, experiencing places, learning, growing, discovering. It’s not that I am uninterested in finding a relationship, it’s just the opposite. It’s that I want a real relationship.

I have spent the better part of my time since my divorce on my own. Not for a lack of trying. I have had the share of four single women combined in first dates, and even second dates. I am surrounded by friends and acquaintances who are doing just the same. In recent months I have traded off the vast quantity of dates for quality. The hookup culture is clearly prevalent in the dating lives of the single 30 & 40 year olds in the city. A total stranger the other night suggested we “hookup.” I laughed him off awkwardly excusing myself from his company, when he followed up his comment with a rather forward proposition. All filter’s off, I shot back “it’s widely available, if that’s what I was looking for.”

The truth is, I found the situation disturbing. The hookup culture is rabid is this city, which does raise many questions for me. 

What is driving the trend? When did instant gratification and meaningless relationships gain more value in our lives than meaningful connection, partnership and emotional attraction? Is the long term relationship on it’s way out? Have we forgotten what it’s like to work at real relationships? Why is communication becoming so difficult? How have we become so disconnected between our actions and our emotions? Are we afraid to feel? Did we forget how?

Are we simply existing because it’s safer than living…feeling…