Time - A building block for the foundation of a relationship.

There are more moments i can’t help but wonder why this time feels so different? How I feel so certain, secure and happy. How the past has finally been laid to rest in peace - how everything that has happened makes complete and perfect sense. Acceptance. While true vulnerability is no less frightening than it’s ever been, this time my feet are planted firmly on the ground. There is no need or reason to run. Why? How? Because my single most important love language is being met, quality time.

I can reflect easily now and see where I lost my way in the past. Why I felt so frustrated, afraid, uncertain and for a brief period - insecure. I was involved in relationships that would never have the chance to take off, and rightfully. As my mother always reminds me, the only way to really build a relationship is to spend time with the person you want to know. My friends have also supported this notion, making space in our friendship for me to explore my relationship without feeling pressure to fit it all in the way I’ve always done.

This past week - I had the chance to escape for a few days to Chad’s cottage. We had both had a crazy few weeks between our jobs, travel and his training. I hadn’t even realized until we were alone how much I craved the chance to just escape. To escape the stress, the distractions, and the every day demands of life. Alone at last, we shared a bottle of wine as the last of the sunset faded into the lake before us. There was quiet. The breeze was soft. I closed my eyes, inhaled and embraced the warmth of his strong hand on my knee. I held that breath, bringing the world inside me to a complete standstill. I needed to feel this moment, and I needed everything to stop long enough for my heart to feel the magic of this connection. I exhaled slowly, opening my eyes to look at him. The moment required no words. He turned, fixing his beautiful blue eyes on mine, and smiled. I squeezed his hand, and felt a shiver as the sun disappeared and the chill of the night air set in. He stood up, pulling me out of the Muskoka Chair and embraced me, we made our way back into the Cottage. 

In my comfiest pajamas, I curled up on the couch beside him to watch a movie. I couldn’t pin it, but I needed this escape, to recenter, to reconnect, to rebalance. I needed to find quiet to check in with myself, my heart. After four years alone, the past few months had been surreal. A person who made the time. Who put priority on building a relationship. Who, like me, believed.

We spent every free moment walking, talking, sharing. We cooked together, ate together, relaxed together, exercised together - we grew together. With the freedom to be ourselves, we explored the boundaries of who we were as individuals and together. We each sought to understand each other in a new way. Not to be like one another, but to appreciate how we could support each other. I wanted to know how I could support him both professionally and in his personal goals. I felt the reciprocal from him.

At the end of the day, perhaps where or how we meet someone, how long we’ve known someone, how much we want someone, how hard we try are really not indicative of the likelihood of a relationship getting off the ground. Perhaps there are no rules, no timelines. For me however, the time invested has made the difference - relieving the uncertainty, providing security, building the connection. For every person who’s ever made the excuse “i’m busy,” I can finally say with truth “we all are.” You make the time when you want to. Chad and I both hold busy jobs, and social lives - when you are ready, and interested, there are no excuses. You want so badly to share the moment, you create them. 

If you’re making excuses for a busy person, or you are making an excuse to someone else about how busy you are - I can only urge you to be honest with yourself…

While there was a time I believed that a relationship might “restrict” my life to some capacity, I now firmly believe it to be just the opposite. I feel supported, freed from the worry and encouraged to grow and expand both as an individual and within a partnership.