Like so many others who have spent a good period of time single, I have had more time to think about life and relationships than most could stand. Sure, I can be considered an overthinker, but I prefer to think I’ve instead focused my thoughts on perhaps the simply most complicated thing - myself. Of course I have mulled over scenarios, relationships, and life. However, I prefer to think more from the perspective of what each taught me than from what I could have done differently. I am fortunate to have come face to face with so much of my past, and as a result to have found peace with most of it. I have also come to a much better understanding of who I really am when I’m not pretending to be the someone else my mind believes others want me to be.
That said, I have made many mistakes. I’ve hurt others and I’ve been hurt. I am far from perfect, and believe me I can create a grocery list of my own flaws. However, some of the worst experiences have also taught me some of the best things I never knew about myself. At the end of all of it, the single greatest gift has been the opportunity to wrap my head around my strengths and my opportunities for growth and change. In the time I spent alone, I had the chance to understand what was most important to me. For a period of my life, I was given the unique opportunity to selfishly focus exclusively on my own needs, desires and priorities. This was perhaps one of the most trying times of my life. I was frustrated, believing my life wasn’t meant to be alone. I longed for someone else to worry about. It was when I finally surrendered and starting living my own life, truly loving my life as it existed that I realized that the single most important thing that made me happy was knowing I was continually working on being the person I would be proud of.
I can look to every area of my life and confirm the thing that makes me happiest in life is inspiration and a sense of growth. Whether it is my career or a sport, or hobby; when I feel the work and time I have invested into myself showing results, I feel a fire within fuelling me to go further. It is in those moments I feel I am unstoppable, life has no limits.
What if the same were applied to love? What if love could set the soul on fire? It does. Having been married once, I can appreciate what a lifetime looks like. Fortunately, I knew something wasn’t right. There was nothing really wrong, but something was missing. The fire. I’m not talking butterflies, or passion, I’m talking about that little something you can’t quite describe but when you feel it, you know it’s what you’ve been craving. It’s not about pleasing anyone, or finding a give and take. It’s about being so inspired that you only ever want to give more, more of yourself, more love, more energy, more life.
For the first time in my life I have met someone with whom my focus has shifted from falling in love with someone to truly growing the love I have for myself. Someone who makes me want to get up early, work a little harder. Someone who makes me want to push my own boundaries, to reach something a little further. Someone who has opened my eyes to the boundless possibilities that lay before me. Someone with whom, my focus isn’t about holding on to a relationship, or having a companion. It isn’t about pleasing someone, or being enough for someone. It’s about feeling supported and loved, feeling like the most precious gem, rough edges and all, among a sea of stones and knowing there is space to grow and smooth the edges, and to shine. It is the kind of love that sets the soul on fire, that makes it come alive in a way that it never knew what it meant to truly let go and just be alive.
I am free to continue on my journey to a better me growing only happier, healthier, stronger, and more capable of living life to the fullest. I am inspired. Given life is never all rainbows and unicorns (although my friends know I try to see it that way) having that deeper connection makes dealing with those times feel far more manageable. Never settle, life is too short not to be fully lived.
Seek not for love, but for inspiration. There, I promise, you will find love. <3
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