Sounds so simple? And it could be… but not with a mind like mine J. In my hiatus I’ve spent a lot of time reading, and thinking, even meeting with my therapist to try to understand this whole complicated business of dating… Strangely, the one person who could put it all into perspective for me was probably the last person I ever would have expected myself to go to for dating advice… my dad. Lol.
Before I share his words of wisdom, I also want to tell you about an incredible site/ebook I had the chance to read which oddly connects a lot of what I’ve blogged about unknowingly over the past year. If you are trying to wrap your head around self-awareness and behaviours that drive someone away (although it’s highly geared to help women – worth a read for anyone) check out www.christiancarter.com. I originally signed up for the free e-newsletters and eventually couldn’t resist but to buy the ebook. There are still a few others I’m dying to check out. But even the daily newsletters are full of unbelievable insight.
Back to my own dating gongshow. I haven’t written in a while, but in hindsight I’ve been busy testing and seriously proving all of the theories right… I’ve been seeing Chris again – the one whom I haven’t been able to resolve one way or the other – to be together or to let go of. After some time apart and a very candid conversation where I opened up and was extremely honest about my feelings he miraculously did the same. It had been months of both of us trying to spend time together with our guards up, then pulling away and back and forth it went. Suddenly things were back on track, he was in touch, and wanting to schedule time together. I even had the chance to stay the night a few times, which I hadn’t done since we first dated last year.
Why the change? Well… something in me shifted… I gave up trying to be the tough independent casual girl. I spoke from the heart. It went really well for about a month… then I had a moment where I reacted with insecurity to feeling some distance, and tried and true – he retreated again! This time… I didn’t run. I let it be. I got busy with my own life… and surely, he reached out again. I’ve learned a few things through all of this… Firstly, he liked me, I was enough just as I was when we met, he doesn’t like the girl I try to be. Secondly, it’s never too late… the biggest challenge I’ve faced with Chris is every time I screw up, I screw up more trying to fix it… when I just let it be, and stop punishing myself and convincing him, it finds its way back.
So, this weekend, Chris took me to the cottage, just the two of us for a solid 20 hours of time alone. For once, I managed to quell my thoughts and just be there with him. It took so much pressure off and it really ended up being nice. There were no heavy deep conversations. Just simple time, a few good laughs, and the chance to see each other away from the distractions of life. When we got back to the city, we missed the chance to spend another evening together. Neither of us spoke up until I was already at home in bed and realizing I wanted to be with him still – when I texted to thank him and mention that, he replied the same. Right then and there it crossed my mind to regret not taking the chance… then I thought to my dad’s advice and realized, it’s a good thing. Things are where they are meant to be for now. It left off well…
Back to my dad… after a long heart to heart recently, I opened up and shared with him my dating challenges. He could not believe how much both Chris and he were alike. Ever since I’ve gone to him with my panic – this has prevented me from self-sabotaging behaviours with Chris. He reminds me everytime – RELAX. Then gave me a visual – imagine life as two roads, they run fairly close together, and both end up in the same spot. That is life… now, one of those roads is bumpy, the other smooth – which do you choose? Some of the wisest advice that I find myself coming back to whenever I let my thoughts on the situation get out of control. I can choose the smooth road, knowing it will lead me wherever I need to be. And I know anyone I date will do the same. I don’t always need an agenda or a goal. Sometimes there are no answers at the moment – this has been hard to accept. But as Chris once said to me “What’s the emergency? Why do you need to make a decision today?” when I was on the verge of running…
So, time for me to take the smooth road and “Just Be”, it’s enough… and despite the tumultuous year that it’s been, he’s still in my life… so, it’s never too late.
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