Clarity was the gift I was denying

The little voice inside is always right. Despite finding the answer I always dreaded, for some odd reason, I feel relieved.  I feel reconnected with myself.  I was in love with someone who I also felt so much fear with. It's been a year and a half, and for one of the first times in my life I had become incredibly insecure, fearful. I couldn't put a finger on it.  Naturally uncertainty is a small part of all relationships, but this kind was not within reason.

Just as John Lennon says "Let it be...there will be an answer, let it be", there was.  I'm sad that my fear was right, but feel relieved to know it wasn't unwarranted, it was real, and after months of questioning myself, I'm thanking myself today.

Sometimes, in vulnerability, trusting ourselves becomes the hardest thing. Love isn't always logical. We don't get to turn it off and on.  Emotional pain is often as destructive nod sometimes more painful than physical pain.  The only other lesson I learned from this was that I could avoid the truth for as long as I wanted, but it wouldn't make the truth go away...

Today the sun is shining, and I understand.  Clarity is the gift I was denying