Just how subjective is success? Not that this question is really new to anyone in life. In fact I’m sure 90% of you who are reading this have reminded someone else that success is subjective. Yet, I wonder if you have ever reminded yourself the same? Honestly.
I have always been driven, competitive by nature, and yes, an overachiever more often than not. For years I spent my life perfecting the things I did. Giving all my energy to only the things I knew I could be great at. My career, the sports I specialized in, class subjects, friendships. You name it. It was a stressful journey. Setting the pace meant constantly being motivated by fear - the fear of failure, falling behind, losing, having to chase.
I’ve come to realize after years of keeping that pace that it left me incomplete. When I was constantly out in front I had no room to grow. I would set a goal that I knew I could reach, because naturally that’s what we do when we are driven by our standard of success, I’d reach it, crush it and then find a new one. It was fulfilling only in the short term gratification that came from each win. But not in the craving I had in my soul for something greater.
Just a few years later, many goals accomplished, many dreams realized, equally many shattered. I found a place that gave me a new perspective on success. No where in life is it so obvious to me that the definition of success is so subjective then every day I walk through the doors at CrossFIt. I am not the fastest, nor am I the strongest person there. I don’t compete with my fellow crossfitters, I compete against myself with a room full of supporters.
There are days I don’t feel like going, I am intimidated by the workout of the day (WOD) posted the day before. I question if I can handle it. Then I forget the panic. Bring myself back to the moment, and take the first step. I simply show up. I throw on my gear, forget the fear, and get my butt to the box. Minute through minute our coach takes us through the hour long program. From the warm up, which makes most of us groan and feel the exhaustion in our muscles from the day before. To the strength component, where we get to explore pushing our own limits. Week after week we work against our own goals. It’s simple. Can you add a few pounds to what you did last time? Week after week, we are breaking our own PR’s (Personal Records). It doesn’t have to be by milestone’s, but every day, every pound is a success.
For me, every day, every pound led to my first strict pull up. Those small gains really do lead to something much greater. Truth be told, I wasn’t convinced I was ready to do it, until another member of the community challenged me to try. I got shy. There was a group full of experienced cross fitters sitting around stretching after our workout. I was already exhausted. Yet, he insisted. He followed me to a spot on the bar where there were less people around. I set up, rubbed my hands in the chalk. Stepped up to the bar. I shook my head. My heart raced a bit. I gripped the bar, let my body hang still. I thought back to all the movements our coach had emphasized, I squeezed my shoulder blades together, and slowly I felt my body lifting - I was already further than I’d ever been before. Maybe, my forehead was in line with the bar… Nope. Fail.
I let go of the bar and jumped to the floor. Mike, looked at me and smiled. I laughed. I said, “not today.”. He urged me to try again. I didn’t think I had it in me. I was a bit sheepish knowing what I was doing was starting to get the attention of the other members. Mike suggested I move my hands closer together and try again. I hopped up one last time, seriously shaking my head at him. I figured I had just maxed out my muscles on the last attempt. I gripped the bar and hung again. I began to pull, I peered over the bar, I was so close. I took one big breath and mustered up everything in me and sure enough, I did it! I let out a scream, as I jumped off the bar. I clapped and high-fived Mike. I did it!!! Success!
It seemed like such a small victory, knowing the members around me could do them in their sleep, but every one of them for the next week congratulated me on my accomplishment. I am smiling still thinking about it. It was a big accomplishment to me. They all remembered their first one too. We’ve all been there.
Being the best is great, for a while. The novelty wears off. While I am still not the strongest or the fastest, I win every time I show up. I do it for me. To be better than I was yesterday. To keep chasing my dream to be the best person I can from the inside out. One day, one challenge, one step, one victory at a time. Tomorrow is another chance to learn, to push, to grow…to succeed.
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