It’s a common expression in the dating world, words mean little, action says everything. Yet, I have to call myself out on something, and I don’t think I’m alone on this one. There have been many times I have “said” something, more to convince myself I meant it than because I actually did. Like, “I am happy alone” or “I don’t even want a relationship” or “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t bother me” or “I believe I deserve more.”
What words did you just play through your own head? There are many many statements I’ve made to myself and to others. The truth is, I wanted so badly to believe them that I just kept saying them. But there was a clear difference between the times I felt them, and the times I just said them.
In hindsight, after the end of various relationships, I would tell my friends, family and myself that I was over dating. That I didn’t care. That it didn’t matter, and that I was perfectly happy alone. I even believed myself for moments at a time. But then came that clear moment where even I knew it wasn’t true. The nights I went home alone and wrapped all of the pillows on my bed around me so I could pretend I wasn’t. The nights I prayed that my heart would be filled with love so I wouldn’t need to find it somewhere else. I could put on a brave face day after day for the world, but I went home at night to face the real one. To look in the mirror, and wonder, why? If the emptiness would ever go away. If the thoughts of what went wrong in the last one would ever leave my mind.
It did, and I learned. I began to understand that it would take work. That I could say anything I wanted, but until I really felt it, lived it and breathed it, nothing changed. After sitting in my own mess of emotions a few times, I felt the release. I felt the weightlessness of my actions and words aligning. The weight of the questions and convincing lifted. Within days, every single time, I met someone special. Like so many had reminded me, it was every time I least expected it. Moreover, every time I actually said and meant that I was happy.
What are you saying? What do you ACTUALLY believe? You might as well look in that mirror and get really honest with yourself. No one else knows or cares if you mean it. No one else will put their head on your pillow and hear your thoughts at night, your worries. Those precious moments are yours to live with. Are you using words to avoid facing what you actually feel? There is nothing more beautiful and releasing than just allowing yourself the freedom to feel, to endure, to let go of whatever it is you are pushing aside. Believe it or not, it might just be the one thing that is occupying the space in your life that is needed to make room for whatever is coming next. Can you tap in, feel it, and truly let it go. Make space…
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