Timing is everything... when you're both ready.

While I write about forgetting “the rules” of dating, I have recently found myself having to consciously live by that same philosophy. Incredible how programmed we can become to protect ourselves in vulnerable situations. I have been blessed to have met someone with whom rules don’t apply. In fact, things get better and better, easier and easier when there are no rules. I don’t have to pretend I’m not interested for him to come closer. I don’t have to build a busy schedule so I can appear busy (unfortunately I just am busy right now…).

Yet, I have recently caught myself saying things like “every girl”, or “someone,” instead of “I” and “you.” Fortunately, I’ve met the kind of man who is ready, open and very much interested. He recently called me out, I didn’t even realize how my language was making him feel until he outright said to me, “I don’t care what every girl wants, I want to know what you want?” It shocked me. I hadn’t realized how even my language had become programmed with “nonchalant” responses. Over the years of disappointed dating, I had formed some bad habits. 

I used to live by “the rules.” The very ones that have sold millions of dollars worth of books telling single’s how to play the game. How to catch a relationship and keep it. What if the real rule was, be yourself and the right one will find you? Seems simple. Until you realize being completely, honestly and truly just yourself leaves you wide open to rejection. We can lose jobs, lose relations with people we know, but the fear of losing someone we truly love forces us to reject ourselves as we are. Suddenly we question if that person is good enough, smart enough, loveable enough to keep someone in our lives.

I remember dating a guy once who planned a date with me, then noted he broke the “Date/Time Continuum” some rule about not planning a date further out then the same amount of time you’ve known someone. I laugh when I think back, then look at the relationship I am in now. We have broken every rule, I have been my ridiculous self and every time I see him, he feels closer. We can talk openly about uncomfortable subjects without fear that someone will quit and run. What is the difference to every other relationship?

We are both ready… it’s that simple.Timing really is everything. Sure we are both scared. But, we’ve told each other that. In the meantime, we’ve been able to ensure we always know where each other stands. We have the freedom to communicate once a day or all day long without insecurity, overthinking, or fear. It’s amazing how being with someone who is secure and ready frees your own mind to actually grow within your own life. 

As a professional, I have a hectic travel schedule. I’ve never minded being on the road as a single person. I have few commitments at home and have as a result seriously enjoyed the freedom of extending trips, spontaneous nights out, making and meeting up with friends around the continent. I must admit when I travel, I often lose touch with my friends and family while I’m on the road. Between professional meetings, and travelling with a team, there is often very little time that I am alone on the road. When I finally get that time, I am mentally drained and need that time to just unwind alone.  

So… this past week was going to be a real test in my new relationship. Fortunately, he is also an executive and very much appreciates the travel life. This week, we both travelled thousands of miles to different cities (him internationally). I wondered if it might be the first time I started to question things. I knew we would be on a 5 hour time difference, and with very different looking schedules. Yet, it worked beautifully. If you’ve ever been in an insecure relationship, you can relate to the struggle of watching for a “Read” receipt to an instant message, or waiting hours upon hours with no response. However, when communication is open and you feel secure, you are freed from ever wondering. There were days we may have only said “xo” to each other, and twice I was shocked when my text message actually prompted a telephone call because we both had a few minutes to talk. 

All of this not only makes me happy, but makes me also truly appreciate that playing by the rules and keeping someone in your life who doesn’t belong there anyway is such wasted energy and mental space. The freedom I have now to expand in all areas of my life is beyond rewarding. So my friends, I say again… clear the noise in your head, and follow your heart. If you want to say something, say it. If you want to do something, do it. You will know when it’s right. When you have the freedom to be completely yourself, when you are at home in your own heart. Love is there…<3