My Kryptonite...

I had dinner with a girlfriend last night who was telling me about a repeat offender in her life. A popular theme in discussions with many of my single friends these days. That one person, your kryptonite. They hold an unexplainable magnetic force over you, you can’t resist. They have the power to rock you to the core. They can lift you and break you in the same moment. They are the text you can’t ignore no matter what you are doing or what has happened between you before. The one your gut tells you is all wrong, but your heart longs for. The one you love and hate in the same breath. They are everything you want, and everything you don’t want in one body. You are completely vulnerable to your kryptonite.

My girlfriend beat herself up for falling back into the feelings she once had with her repeat offender. Walking down the road she'd seen three times before, feeling ashamed, hurt, and upset all over again. In that moment, it occurred to me, and I had to admit to her honestly. Despite everything that has happened, and how badly I felt hurt by my own Kryptonite, I’m not sure I would have the strength to ignore this person if I heard from him again. At first I wondered if this was a flaw, a weakness.  I'm fortunate to be in a position that I know without a doubt I will not contact him again. I don’t know what the future holds. For the moment, it is not likely that I will have to worry about facing this situation. The truth is, I may always hold a soft spot and ache in my heart for the love that I felt for that person. 

I can’t beat myself up. My kryptonite pulled me in five times. I learned the same lesson over and over, and although I know the truth today, and I don't like it, that person will always have a place in my heart just not in my life.  To me, this is now a strength.  I can let go in love. They say true love is unconditional. Even if mine was not the kind movies are made of. We are not meant to be together, in fact, we are best far apart. That said, despite the hurt and anger I experienced toward him, the characteristics I would never respect in any person, he still holds a place in my heart and mind.  I somehow managed to love this person beyond all faults...

“Sometimes the strongest women are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors & fight battles that nobody knows about”

I can now admit with full clarity and honesty that he is my weakness. Knowing your weakest point is your strength. Living conscious of your weakspots can restore your power. You may not be able to resist your kryptonite, but knowing that is what this person is for you can help you make more conscious decisions about how to handle every choice you make in their presence.