Dream Date, Bermuda

Like most singles, I’ve dated many in search of the seemingly elusive feeling called love. I read all the books, done lots of research. I’ve chased the bad boys. I half listened to the advice of many, the cliche’s especially, “you’ll just know.” There is nothing more frustrating than being the one on the outside of the inside scoop, and knowing it… except… being stuck in less than awesome relationships.

It was a confusing and heart wrenching roller coaster in the dating world. Every time I let someone in, it ended terribly. I continued to tell myself it would all make sense one day. It was the easiest way to maintain my sanity and continue living my life, believing that the kind of love I truly longed for was still possible, and wouldn’t end in heartache.

If you’ve had the joy of embracing dating in your late twenties and thirties, no doubt you can relate to the hesitation, uncertainty, and in some cases, the games. You need the book, the one with all the written rules about how it should unfold. Let’s face it, games without rules are tough to win. The reality is, I was so tired of the games I considered the possibility that being alone would be just fine.

Then, I met him. The guy who would show me what a “ready” person was. A man who would be willing to put his heart on the table first. Strong enough to stand in front of me while I patiently gave my heart the time and space to explore. It was becoming very clear to me why all of the other situations hadn’t worked out. This man wanted to melt my heart, and he would pull out all the stops until I felt myself hopelessly falling…

After several weeks of amazing dates and quality time, it became very clear to me what “ready” looked like. It gave me a chance to explore the same within myself. A man who could openly share his feelings, and didn’t flinch at my own. It has been all the things I’ve written about for years. No games. No worry about texting when or how often. No concern over whether or not he will call. The next date is locked in before the last one can end. He openly shares his social circle, and wants to be part of mine. He is proud to take photos of us together, to hold my hand in public. I am free to be me.

Naturally, it is scary to come across everything you’ve ever asked for in one person, and so quickly. He planned another date, one that would give me a real opportunity to know him. A weekend in Bermuda. He shopped the flights, coordinated all the details. By the time he asked me, all I had to do was say yes, and book a day off work. It wasn’t about timelines or rules - it didn’t matter how long we’d known each other- we both wanted to spend time together.

I flew to Bermuda with him Friday morning. It was easy. Within minutes of checking into our hotel, we were off for our adventure. He had a scooter, the primary method for travel on the island from his days of living in Bermuda. I hopped on the back, wrapped my arms around his waist and smiled. I already felt close enough to trust him with my life. He took me to The Reefs, my first chance to feel the pink sand between my toes, and dip my feet in the turquoise waters. He watched me with a smile, which made me smile. He was attentive and engaged. He even wanted our photo. We found a table overlooking the water to sit for lunch. He was certain I would, in 48 hours, experience the best of Bermuda. I sipped my first Rum Swizzle, and soaked up the sun. We shared lunch and talked for an hour. Without distraction, no cell phones, no where to be.

 He took me to town. Thoughtful and considerate of my lifestyle, and a clear sign he paid attention to every detail with me, he took me his favourite health food store to pick up some snacks for the weekend. We picked up champagne, and some groceries, and went back to the hotel. We changed into our swimsuits, poured a glass of champagne and headed to the hot tub to catch the sunset over the harbour. A moment that melted my heart for sure. I was happy. Relaxed. He made me feel special. The day was far from done, he whisked me off to dinner at Blu. Our conversation was again very different. We both shared more of our pasts. He told me he wanted to know every piece of me. What made me happy. What made me sad. What scared me. All of me. The only thing that could have made the evening more perfect would have been if time could have stood still.

Saturday came quickly, he woke up to meet his triathlon training partners for a long ride around the island. A chance for me to spend some time on my own. I slept in, woke up and hit the gym. My mind was clear, as I hit the treadmill at my fastest pace yet. I squeezed in a Travel WOD and made my way back to the room. I grabbed my laptop and headed for the pool. I was so looking forward to the chance to be alone with my thoughts after a whirlwind few months. The sun kissed my cheeks, the breeze brushed softly over my body. I lay still. I had pictured my head to be swirling with thoughts, but it wasn’t. All the fear was gone. I opened my laptop to write. Up popped the photos I’d taken the day before. I smiled. Rolled onto my belly, closed my eyes, and laid quietly in the sun listening to music. I’m not sure where I went, until I felt something cold in the middle of my back. I turned to see him smiling from above me. He was back, and I wasn’t the least bit sad to give up the quiet time. I was happy to see him. Nothing with him was expected. A week prior, Bermuda was not on my list to do…

We tossed together a bag of towels and a few layers of clothing and he whisked me away on the scooter to show me the rest of Bermuda. We drove to Elbow Beach for another stunning lunch on the turquoise waters. I had surrendered completely to the adventure. I couldn’t come up with a plan if I tried. He opened a big piece of his life to me, as he shared the island that was once his home. We drove to St.Georges. The one shopping trip he had planned was to buy me Perfume at the Perfumery of St. Georges to remember the trip by. My heart melted a little more. Not only was I in one of the most beautiful places on earth, but with an incredible man. My mind drifted to all the moments I’d longed to travel with someone special. It was happening. We walked by the harbour and through the quaint shops. We toured the oldest church on the Island then hopped back on the bike. We drove clear back across the Island to the opposite end and out to The Dockyard. He pointed out all the local spots, his favourite beaches, the homes of people he knew.

On the way back, we stopped to visit one of his friends. The man smiled, pushed my outstretched hand away and hugged me. He welcomed me into his home and out to sit on the balcony overlooking the beautiful Atlantic. It was comfortable. After a quick visit, we set out to spend time by the water. We walked from one beach to the next, as we looked among the 121 incredible beaches for one our very own. He held my hand and walked me into the water, a chicken in the cold, I still followed. I was so warmed by his energy, he sheltered me from the waves the warmth of his skin lightened the shock of the chilled spring time Atlantic waters. In that moment I knew there was no turning back for my heart. I felt safe with him, beautiful, small, and adored. The very things that make up my list of - what am I looking for? We headed back to hotel. I sat on the patio while he poured a bottle of champagne and assembled some grapes and cheese to snack on. Every moment we had to chat was so very welcomed, by both of us.

That night he had planned a special dinner. This was the kind of romance I loved. I got dressed in the bathroom, I didn’t want him to see me until I was ready. When I opened the door, I felt it, adored, appreciated, beautiful. He took my hand and escorted me to the waiting taxi. We set out to catch the sunset at the Waterlot Inn - one of the oldest most renowned restaurants in Bermuda. We had a glass of wine and watched the sunset from the outdoor patio. I snuggled close to him in the breeze. The world around us faded from my mind. Inside, we were seated at his request, at a quiet table by the window. He stared quietly at me in the soft lighting, took my hands in his and smiled. There was no need for words. I felt it too. The meal was unbelievable, but more so was our conversation. We talked about what we both wanted. In the past, it had often been a difficult subject to approach, perhaps the first clue those relationships were not on the same wavelength. We comfortably talked about what love meant to us, our personal needs, desires, all of it. Before it could affect either of us, he acknowledged his own nerves around the topic, it made it easy for me to do the same. It was the perfect date within a date. It was the perfect day.

Sunday was bitter sweet. We woke up to make breakfast and crawl back into bed to enjoy it. We talked about the weekend, he asked if I’d plan another trip with him before I left today. I couldn’t help but smile. With only a few more hours together, we were determined to make the most of it. We threw on our swimsuits and headed for the beach. We parked at Horseshoe Bay, one of the longest most beautiful pink sand beaches in Bermuda. we walked all the way down, and two beaches over. He stopped, hugged me. I hugged him back, my mind drifted again. This was something I had longed to do for so long. He asked again about planning another trip. We rhymed off some places and our schedules. It didn’t even matter to me, when or where. I was already looking forward to it. We walked back and straight into the beautiful blue water. It was as though the ocean was 10 degrees warmer. It was the perfect last day. By the time I got back to pack, I realized I was sad to leave without him.

One last lunch and he would take me back to the airport. He was staying on a few days to train, and I had to be in Montreal on Monday. We found lunch at the Swizzle Inn before arriving at the airport. He parked and walked in with me. He insisted I check my bag and then we sneak off to another beach nearby for 20 more minutes. We did. We laid on the lifeguard platform in the shade. Quiet but close. I hadn’t felt this is a long time, I was already going to miss him. I told him ‘I’m not really needy, but right now I am…” He laughed, he had been teasing me all day about missing my flight and staying with him. It was the perfect end to a perfect weekend. 



It has been a long time since someone has captured my mind and heart. I don’t know what or how or why. I am simply enjoying every moment of this adventure. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but everything in life is worthwhile…and this, is very different.

A Big Ask, Delivered... Why You Need to Believe

In the years I’ve been consciously exploring the world of relationships and dating, I have always tried to see the lessons in the pain and the blessings in the joy. I have held in my heart the deepest level of hope for something great, and continued to spread the word both to encourage others and myself to never settle. The heart is a precious gift, filled with more love than can ever be given. Spreading love is a beautiful way to keep the heart open, and full. As one of my favourite quotes explains, you can only keep what you give away. Yet, I have also always believed in holding your heart for the one who truly deserves it, patiently living with hope that you will find someone special enough to deserve it.

My admission to you, I continued to write about hope and faith for years as a way to grow and restore my own. Through ups and downs, I’ve had my moments like so many of you. Afraid, hurt, empty. I’ve also been blessed to know the other side, love, inspiration, connection. I have spent the past five years of my life hoping to find and continue to believe in a source of love. I have faced much criticism and in some cases have questioned my own belief in the one thing I crave most, a love of the deepest kind.

I have been told my expectations were too high. Reminded that no one is perfect. Suggested I’m looking for the impossible. I continued wish for the kind of love I only dreamed of. I made a list in my heart of what I wanted to feel, what the perfect relationship could look like. I made a big ask of the Universe, and then I remained hopeful.

I dated, I laughed, I cried, I fell, I learned, I loved, I hurt. In the end, I looked to what each person taught me about myself. I had times I wanted to quit. Times I was excited for whatever might lay around the corner. I explored a few relationships that didn’t sustain me. I settled at times on distractions to keep myself reminded of what was possible, but mostly I continued to learn what I didn’t want.

Then… about a month ago, someone incredible walked into my life. Whether it is for now or forever, this man has already shown me that if you ask, and believe, it can happen. I need to be honest with you, sometimes, getting everything you ever wanted is harder than settling for things you never deserved. It is an incredible yet terrifying experience. 

I met a man who over the course of several dates has delivered everything I have asked the universe for. Kindness, warmth, strength, vulnerability, generosity of spirit, depth, emotion, sensitivity, patience, thoughtfulness, chivalry, romance, love. All of the pieces I have written about these past few years.

As if to prove all “cliche’s” correct, this man has certainly shown me without a shadow of a doubt why none of the other relationships worked out. I assumed after writing about it, thinking about it, and talking about it for so long, it would be a simple thing to fall in love again. To meet someone who’s happiness was as important to me as my own. What I have discovered, is no matter how much work I have done to prepare for it and understand it, there is nothing in the world scarier than true vulnerability.

After a number of the most perfect dates, hours upon hours of conversation, I found myself subconsciously fighting not to let myself fall for this person. Then it happened. He laid his heart on the table, and made one ask, “don’t break my heart.” After that, he continued to stand before me, showing up day after day while I chewed on the thought of letting go. I felt all uncertainty, the fear. I was afraid that I might break his heart, and wondered if I should pull away. I have had a history of running when my heart was on the line. I, like him, did not want my heart broken either. I sat with his words. He never pressed me for an answer. He continued to show up, being the same person he was from the moment I met him. Open, honest, and vulnerable. He now stood emotionally naked before me. He told me outright, he was looking for long term. He had said everything to me I had been quietly asking the world for. Yet, I was frozen. I had no words. I could only tell him, I didn’t want to run.

I mustered up the courage to tell him I was scared. I didn’t have the answers. I only knew that the more time I spent with him, the more time I craved. The weight of fear lightened. I told him I was overwhelmed and digesting all that had happened, all that he was, that all that I’d dreamed of was standing before me, and it was going to take me time to accept it. He accepted my answer, and in that moment, I felt my heart open even further than ever before…

I have no idea what the future holds. I can only say, today, I understand and accept everything that has happened in my life until this point. Now I have but one responsibility, to accept all the wonderful things I asked for…

He asked me, “where have you been all my life?” I replied, “Geting ready…” He smiled.

Good Old Fashioned Courtship...

Not only will you get what you put up with in relationships, but even better, you will also get what you ask for. Which way are you starting your relationships? In recent weeks I’ve been more open to dating again.After a bit of a hiatus to focus on some personal projects and a busy few weeks with my career, I met a few men who captured my interest. 

One particular guy took me for a drink. It was a nice first date. Some great chat, a light and fun connection. A sweet kiss. I saw him a couple more times after that, great guy, but I wasn’t interested anymore in just hanging out. I have been all too guilty of allowing that, then realizing that’s all the relationship would become. I’m not that girl. I like romance. I want to date.

After continually putting that message out to the universe and many more first dates, like anyone I wondered if maybe my standards were too high after all. Until…

A man walked into my life and raised the bar. We met for a drink right after I flew home from a busy week on the road. When I arrived to the restaurant/bar, he told me he had actually made us a reservation in case I was hungry after a long day. I felt that little tug at the heart string. He was flexible to my being held at the mercy of an airline and traffic into the downtown core from the airport at rush hour, on a rainy night with the Blue Jays Home Opener at the same time. He was thoughtful and appreciative. We had amazing conversation - naturally with little investment, it was easy to just be myself. At one point during the night I told him I wasn’t looking for fireworks, or a relationship for the sake of having one. I was looking for romance, a man to date for the rest of my life. A partner to inspire and be inspired by. Not long after dinner, he insisted I head home to rest with a CrossFit competition scheduled early the next morning. He hugged me and put me in a taxi. I was a bit shocked, and stunned. By the time I arrived home, he had texted me to thank me, ensure I had arrived safely, and asked me to text throughout the day to update him on the event.

The next day he texted to see if he could call me to arrange a second date the following day. We chatted for a bit, he wanted to spend a day with me. Unfortunately this wasn’t an option as I had commitments the following Saturday. So we agreed to a Friday date. He picked the place we would meet, I offered to pick the restaurant. When I arrived to meet him that night, he hugged me and handed me a gift bag filled with dark chocolate. I had told him I loved dark chocolate when we joked about not eating dessert. I was a bit miffed. But smiled on the inside.

It was the perfect date… we window shopped throughout Yorkville, sipped champagne, then went to dinner. Conversation was effortless, he was affectionate without being overwhelming. Polite and thoughtful. By the time we finished dinner we hadn’t even noticed the restaurant had emptied. He told me he didn’t want the night to end, took my hand, kissed me and thanked me for picking a great restaurant. We walked out the door and around the corner to a place he loved for one last drink. There he asked if I had enjoyed the evening, and outright if we could have a third date. He then walked me back to the main street, hailed two taxis, kissed me and sent me home to rest. I smiled to myself, shoes, champagne, chocolate and a gentleman… could this be real?

I arrived home with a smile, texted as he’d requested to let him know I’d arrived and that I’d enjoyed my day and evening. He called me special, and wished me sweet dreams. The next day he called, just as he said he would. Asked if we could have a “date” on Sunday. We would shop for food and he would cook me dinner. It was so easy. I told him it sounded like the “perfect sunday.” From there, I went about my day. I woke up Sunday, two of my girlfriends had slept over after an event and we had plans to go to brunch. I turned my phone on to a beautiful good morning text that read “welcome to the Perfect Sunday”. I couldn’t hide the smile on my face, my girlfriends were just as excited, “he texted you this morning didn’t he?” We laughed and joked about the 3am texts Jasmine had received, and how it was refreshing to get a gentleman-like text instead. I wrote back to let him know I loved good morning texts. He asked me to call him after brunch. 

Brunch with my girlfriends is always my favourite part of the week. We rehashed the event the night before, and laughed at the variety of different encounters that were experienced with a male dominated crowd. We noted the difference between being the one to engage the conversation and waiting for it to happen. Two of my girlfriends had exchanged several numbers, and had the time of their lives laughing and flirting with a number of men. The best part was sitting around laughing about it over brunch. Just as we were finishing, he texted me - looking forward to our date. I felt slight a shiver run through my body. A touch excited, a touch nervous. I couldn’t pin it. I was so looking forward to more time with him, and so shocked by how easy it was to sit back and not be the one doing the work.

I arrived at his house. We drove together to the shops at Don Mills. As if he read my mind, he took my hand and we walked to pick up tea for our shop at McEwan’s. We talked about theming our dinner that evening, and after a story about a mango throwing monkey, we couldn’t help but laugh when Teavana had 2 tea flavours with the word monkey in it. We walked to McEwans tea in hand and explored the store. I actually love grocery stores, especially specialty stores. I was fascinated. We picked a mango theme and found some mango cheese, a mango marinade and a fresh mango for desert. As we approached the cashier, he stopped, with a serious face looked at me. I froze. He said “I would like to buy you flowers, but I want to pick them.” Relieved and shocked, I didn’t know what to say. Instead of making me say anything he leaned forward and kissed me, then walked toward the flower display and began hand selecting and building a bouquet. It was gorgeous. I was absolutely stunned. I blushed, and said “that might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done.” He hugged me and we left.

At home, he prepared a cheese platter and suggested we catch the last of the sun from him second floor patio. He then opened his fridge and pulled out a bottle of champagne, and suggested we had more to celebrate. I was a puddle of mush. Was this for real? We talked, sipped champagne, and enjoyed the cheese. I learned that the actually played the piano, not just the owner of a turn of the century grand piano. He offered to play for me. I stood over his shoulder as he struck the first chord. I felt a rush of heat to my face. A wave of emotion came over me as I listened to a song he had written. I thought I might cry, before I could he finished, and looked up, I hugged him. Would anyone even believe me if I could tell them about this date?

The evening was simply effortless, romantic and unassuming. I told him he was a gentleman. He told me he was traditional, and liked to take things slow. I smiled, that was exactly what I wanted. He was courting me. I had gotten so used to doing all the work, asking for nothing and putting up with the outcome, I was out of my element in this situation. He wanted nothing more than a kiss and appreciation. He packed up food for my lunch the next day, re-wrapped my flowers and sent me on my way. I didn’t think he could have topped the second date. He told me I’d been dating the wrong people…

Where in the past I would have been cautious about what I asked for upfront, I have truly enjoyed the surprises and a man who both rises to the occasion and believes in good old fashioned chivalry. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, flowers, a phone call, use of the word “Date”, I could go on… courting. Wherever it goes, it doesn’t even matter, my heart is open, and full, and a real gentleman has shown me they do exist. I haven’t been preaching about unicorns after all. Never settle.

Smiling from the inside out. 

New Ways to Fight Old Demons

With spring comes so much change. Have you ever felt a bit stuck at the change of seasons? Something as simple as how you dress becomes a whole new thought process.

Life change is certainly not new to anyone. Whether it’s in your career, family life, marital status, dating situation, life… Just as you settle into getting comfortable at anything it seems to change. It is both awesome and at the same time difficult. We are forced to remain dynamic as people. Or, alternatively battle our way through by not changing. Again, our choice.

Amidst a lot of change both in seasons and in life, I found myself off balance and a bit out of sorts lately. While I have made great strides toward personal growth these past few years in my life, I caught myself leaning on some old behaviours, and unwilling to acknowledge all of the change going on around me. From change in my career, leadership, various friendship cycles, and some new relationships, it’s been a lot to digest. 

Just like a new season, every day offers each of us an opportunity for a new beginning. However, carrying yesterdays woes into today really threatens the ability to capture that opportunity. Just the same as carrying old baggage into new relationships, and old wounds forward in existing friendships. It’s easy to do in life. As much as I love change, I hate it to. I struggle as much as anyone with the idea of being uncomfortable in the unknown. Just as we mastered our domain and became comfortable with it, we reach a point in our journey where it all looks different again. We could fight it, and choose to remain who we are, or embrace it as an opportunity to practice what we’ve learned. 

I once ran into my former softball coach during my first season of golf. I was pretrified when I saw him marshalling the hole I was about to tee off on. I knew I had about a 30% chance of actually hitting a remotely decent shot - by decent, I mean actually getting the ball off the tee in the area and more than 10 yards in front of me! I stalled hoping he wouldn’t recognize me, and maybe even leave to go to another hole. When I ran out of excuses, I hit the ball. A brutal shot. I was embarrassed, and a bit pissed. We had no choice after that but to walk by his golf cart on our way down the fairway. I tried to avoid his stare, oh he knew it was me. He rode his cart right up to me, there was no way out of it. After a bit of chat, I told him how embarrassed I was to hit the shot. He then asked me how long I had played softball. I didn’t see the point of his question, but told him 20+ years. He smiled, “It took you more than 20 years to reach an elite level in softball, what makes you think you can pick up a golf club and start where you left off in softball? Give yourself a chance!” My coach was right. It was an eye opener for me.

With few exceptions, there is nothing in life we just pick up at a masters level. Whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, a friendship, a sport, a hobby, a school subject. Every thing we are good at in life today, we at some point started at the beginning. 

Today, I felt myself collapse into my own discomfort. In a very short span of time, 4 years, my entire life has changed. Every single aspect. At the root of it, I have changed. I am nothing like the person I used to be. For a while now I have been feeling great about the strides I have made. Then was hit with even more change. To find comfort in the uncomfortable, I have leaned on a few old survival mechanisms to get around some situations. 

One in particular, with a person who has meant a lot to me in my life. Cornered by a situation I failed to communicate, I carried baggage forward. My friend did the same. In a heartfelt and emotional exchange, we fought an old demon with a new approach. More over, I used vulnerability to actually make myself comfortable. I told this person my fear, my discomfort and my hurt. In turn, they responded with the same. This strengthened the foundation on which we could rebuild our relationship. In the moment, it was horribly uncomfortable, upsetting and terrifying to be so honest and open about how I felt about things. Now, the discomfort has passed, and I realize the strength that came from both of us to go there. I grew again. 

Vulnerability is not something I knew a little more than 4 years ago. I protected my weaknesses so they could not be used against me. I guarded my heart and my life by putting on a brave face and fighting to keep all of those demons on the inside. In the end, the demons were winning, I hid my weaknesses behind a smile. But until I could acknowledge them myself, how could I begin to work on them? 

Getting honest with myself and with those in my life has taken me a long time. Most days and most situations it now comes effortlessly to me. But there are days and situations (especially my most intimate and heart felt relationships) that I have to work really hard at it. I have to remember that I practices not being vulnerable for more than 25 years of my life. I can’t expect myself to be as much of a pro at being vulnerable, as I did at wearing my poker face.

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” ~Criss Jami

The Dynamic Life - Prioritizing

I had a great conversation with a man today that made me think a bit, in a very good way. We were chatting about work and life balance. Without question, my life is busy. Between a full time career with a major company that has me supporting a region Canada Wide, Writing both personally and professionally, and my other commitments, including family, friends and personal, any outsider might ask, how do you have time to date?

Just a year ago, my life wasn’t terribly different than it is today. I was living in the city. Managing an incredible social circle, career, and dating someone who had stolen my heart. Life really is a fine balance, it comes down to one thing, prioritizing.

If you had $100 in your pocket to spend, you would have to make a choice. It will only go so far, yet, a wise person can find creative ways to stretch that far beyond what most see at face value. Life is no different. There are 24 hours in a day. Most of us could use about 36 hours and still not tackle half of what we want. Yet, there are people who seem to have it all and still find time. It’s all about choices. 

In any given moment, we have the choice - that choice offers the opportunity to gain something at the sacrifice of something else. I can choose to spend my time alone, and sacrifice time with someone else. I can choose to commit to an event on a future weekend, and sacrifice not being able to do something else that might pop up. However, there’s also the sacrifice that we don’t commit to something and nothing else comes up.

When you follow your heart, prioritizing becomes fairly simple. When you are happy, your focus shifts to the things that make you happy. When I was in love, I would give up many things, with a few exceptions of course, to make time in my life for that person.

I have come to enjoy a life without hard lines. It leaves more room for amazing things to come and old things to go. Change is life. You can flow with it, or you can swim upstream. Yet another choice. Who you are today does not define who you are in the future. Nothing about today is the same as yesterday. 

I responded to his question about how I had time to date by simply saying, “my priorities change with the dynamics of my life. Today, I only have me to focus on. Tomorrow, that could be different.”

Readiness...in life and love.

Readiness - defined as the state of being fully prepared for something.

How often do you find yourself questioning things in life, your career, love? It’s not hard to do in a world that fills our lives with options. Every single day we make choices that ultimately have the power to completely change the path we are are currently on in life. Whether it’s a job that comes along, a person, an opportunity - we must carefully weigh our options in any given moment. As humans, it’s almost certain at some point we’ve made a bad choice - if not many. It’s perfectly understandable why some are hesitant, some struggle, and some just can’t commit to a decision. Life is anything but certain.

That said, think of a time when you made a decision that was simple, clear and certain. I can think of many of those in my own life. Although they are certainly fewer than those that left me up in arms to decide. What made these choices so easy, effortless and less concerning? Readiness. A subjective word that holds so much power in life. 

I went on a date a few days ago after speaking to a man for a few weeks. I was busy with work and had been travelling and out of the country all week. We agreed to finally meet on Friday night after I flew home.  Landing in Toronto with some bad weather and the Blue Jays Home Opener, I started to question whether or not it was worth all the stress of getting home, semi-organized and racing back out the door for a date. 

I flew into Orlando the Sunday prior. Although the travel life paints a glamorous picture, it is a very demanding lifestyle. The week was filled morning till night with meetings and events. I craved the 20 minutes between that I could get for some quiet time to myself. I barely spoke to anyone. My date checked in to reconfirm our plans and timing the day prior. I told him we could shoot to meet for a drink at 7pm, but that I was at the mercy of the airline and weather to get home. He assured me that wasn’t a problem and to touch base once I’d landed. I did. Then faced the mad rush of people heading into the city on a rainy night for the Blue Jay’s Home Opener. Again, my date assured me not to rush, he would manage his time in the meantime and be flexible to my situation.

I arrived home. Took 20 minutes just to get my head on straight so I could get ready. After a week on the road, sometime’s simply taking my shoes and jacket off when I walk through the door are beyond my capacity. I managed to get it together again, freshen up and hop in a cab to meet my date at Drake One Fifty. He texted when he arrived to tell me where he would wait, and how he was dressed. Then also mentioned he had gone ahead and made us a reservation in case I wanted to eat. Hmm… I was a bit miffed at his thoughtfulness. 

After a most enjoyable evening, which turned into a full on dinner date. My date insisted I head home to rest prior to my CrossFit event the next morning. I had finally settled in and was enjoying the evening. He walked me out and flagged down a taxi to take me home. Within minutes of walking through the door, I was on the phone with my mom (who is one of my best friends) to fill her in on the evening when I heard a message beep. He had already texted me to ensure I’d arrived home safely, and thank me for mustering up the energy to meet him. I was stunned. He wished me luck the next day and invited me to keep him updated as the day progressed. 

The next day, I received a text from him in the afternoon, and again in the evening as I headed back out with friends. He told me he had enjoyed our date and asked if I would be interested in seeing him again. Then told me he would call me Sunday to see if we could make plans.  Sure enough, he did. He was easy to talk to and open. He shared his plans for the week and asked to see me next weekend. It was so easy. I didn’t even flinch at agreeing to give up a prime night a week in advance to meet him again.

All of this made me think. My father always reminds me, when you can’t make a decision, perhaps it’s not time. My mom reminds me that a secure man will never leave you feeling insecure, you will always know where you stand and what the deal is. In hindsight, every decision I’ve ever faced went one of two ways. 1) the choice was so clear and simple 2) I felt unsure, uneasy and apprehensive. The only variable that played a difference in which way it would go was my Readiness.

I’ve come to believe that when I am ready for anything, I know exactly what I want and the choice becomes clear. Life will throw many choices and decisions at us in any given moment. That doesn’t mean every option is right for us. There are so many variables involved in this simply complicated life. After many emotionally, mentally and physically unavailable relationships, it’s refreshing to meet someone who is actually ready. Which eliminates several variables and makes things easy to just be…and enjoy what comes. 

On the flipside, there are more moments when a person is not ready. Which is more than ok. The important part for me has been acknowledging my lack of readiness. Stepping back from the need to make any decisions or changes, and to just be as is. Sometimes there isn’t a decision to make. When faced with a decision in which the answer doesn’t come simply, perhaps it’s simply time to acknowledge one just isn’t ready in this moment. Accept that.