Good Old Fashioned Courtship...

Not only will you get what you put up with in relationships, but even better, you will also get what you ask for. Which way are you starting your relationships? In recent weeks I’ve been more open to dating again.After a bit of a hiatus to focus on some personal projects and a busy few weeks with my career, I met a few men who captured my interest. 

One particular guy took me for a drink. It was a nice first date. Some great chat, a light and fun connection. A sweet kiss. I saw him a couple more times after that, great guy, but I wasn’t interested anymore in just hanging out. I have been all too guilty of allowing that, then realizing that’s all the relationship would become. I’m not that girl. I like romance. I want to date.

After continually putting that message out to the universe and many more first dates, like anyone I wondered if maybe my standards were too high after all. Until…

A man walked into my life and raised the bar. We met for a drink right after I flew home from a busy week on the road. When I arrived to the restaurant/bar, he told me he had actually made us a reservation in case I was hungry after a long day. I felt that little tug at the heart string. He was flexible to my being held at the mercy of an airline and traffic into the downtown core from the airport at rush hour, on a rainy night with the Blue Jays Home Opener at the same time. He was thoughtful and appreciative. We had amazing conversation - naturally with little investment, it was easy to just be myself. At one point during the night I told him I wasn’t looking for fireworks, or a relationship for the sake of having one. I was looking for romance, a man to date for the rest of my life. A partner to inspire and be inspired by. Not long after dinner, he insisted I head home to rest with a CrossFit competition scheduled early the next morning. He hugged me and put me in a taxi. I was a bit shocked, and stunned. By the time I arrived home, he had texted me to thank me, ensure I had arrived safely, and asked me to text throughout the day to update him on the event.

The next day he texted to see if he could call me to arrange a second date the following day. We chatted for a bit, he wanted to spend a day with me. Unfortunately this wasn’t an option as I had commitments the following Saturday. So we agreed to a Friday date. He picked the place we would meet, I offered to pick the restaurant. When I arrived to meet him that night, he hugged me and handed me a gift bag filled with dark chocolate. I had told him I loved dark chocolate when we joked about not eating dessert. I was a bit miffed. But smiled on the inside.

It was the perfect date… we window shopped throughout Yorkville, sipped champagne, then went to dinner. Conversation was effortless, he was affectionate without being overwhelming. Polite and thoughtful. By the time we finished dinner we hadn’t even noticed the restaurant had emptied. He told me he didn’t want the night to end, took my hand, kissed me and thanked me for picking a great restaurant. We walked out the door and around the corner to a place he loved for one last drink. There he asked if I had enjoyed the evening, and outright if we could have a third date. He then walked me back to the main street, hailed two taxis, kissed me and sent me home to rest. I smiled to myself, shoes, champagne, chocolate and a gentleman… could this be real?

I arrived home with a smile, texted as he’d requested to let him know I’d arrived and that I’d enjoyed my day and evening. He called me special, and wished me sweet dreams. The next day he called, just as he said he would. Asked if we could have a “date” on Sunday. We would shop for food and he would cook me dinner. It was so easy. I told him it sounded like the “perfect sunday.” From there, I went about my day. I woke up Sunday, two of my girlfriends had slept over after an event and we had plans to go to brunch. I turned my phone on to a beautiful good morning text that read “welcome to the Perfect Sunday”. I couldn’t hide the smile on my face, my girlfriends were just as excited, “he texted you this morning didn’t he?” We laughed and joked about the 3am texts Jasmine had received, and how it was refreshing to get a gentleman-like text instead. I wrote back to let him know I loved good morning texts. He asked me to call him after brunch. 

Brunch with my girlfriends is always my favourite part of the week. We rehashed the event the night before, and laughed at the variety of different encounters that were experienced with a male dominated crowd. We noted the difference between being the one to engage the conversation and waiting for it to happen. Two of my girlfriends had exchanged several numbers, and had the time of their lives laughing and flirting with a number of men. The best part was sitting around laughing about it over brunch. Just as we were finishing, he texted me - looking forward to our date. I felt slight a shiver run through my body. A touch excited, a touch nervous. I couldn’t pin it. I was so looking forward to more time with him, and so shocked by how easy it was to sit back and not be the one doing the work.

I arrived at his house. We drove together to the shops at Don Mills. As if he read my mind, he took my hand and we walked to pick up tea for our shop at McEwan’s. We talked about theming our dinner that evening, and after a story about a mango throwing monkey, we couldn’t help but laugh when Teavana had 2 tea flavours with the word monkey in it. We walked to McEwans tea in hand and explored the store. I actually love grocery stores, especially specialty stores. I was fascinated. We picked a mango theme and found some mango cheese, a mango marinade and a fresh mango for desert. As we approached the cashier, he stopped, with a serious face looked at me. I froze. He said “I would like to buy you flowers, but I want to pick them.” Relieved and shocked, I didn’t know what to say. Instead of making me say anything he leaned forward and kissed me, then walked toward the flower display and began hand selecting and building a bouquet. It was gorgeous. I was absolutely stunned. I blushed, and said “that might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done.” He hugged me and we left.

At home, he prepared a cheese platter and suggested we catch the last of the sun from him second floor patio. He then opened his fridge and pulled out a bottle of champagne, and suggested we had more to celebrate. I was a puddle of mush. Was this for real? We talked, sipped champagne, and enjoyed the cheese. I learned that the actually played the piano, not just the owner of a turn of the century grand piano. He offered to play for me. I stood over his shoulder as he struck the first chord. I felt a rush of heat to my face. A wave of emotion came over me as I listened to a song he had written. I thought I might cry, before I could he finished, and looked up, I hugged him. Would anyone even believe me if I could tell them about this date?

The evening was simply effortless, romantic and unassuming. I told him he was a gentleman. He told me he was traditional, and liked to take things slow. I smiled, that was exactly what I wanted. He was courting me. I had gotten so used to doing all the work, asking for nothing and putting up with the outcome, I was out of my element in this situation. He wanted nothing more than a kiss and appreciation. He packed up food for my lunch the next day, re-wrapped my flowers and sent me on my way. I didn’t think he could have topped the second date. He told me I’d been dating the wrong people…

Where in the past I would have been cautious about what I asked for upfront, I have truly enjoyed the surprises and a man who both rises to the occasion and believes in good old fashioned chivalry. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, flowers, a phone call, use of the word “Date”, I could go on… courting. Wherever it goes, it doesn’t even matter, my heart is open, and full, and a real gentleman has shown me they do exist. I haven’t been preaching about unicorns after all. Never settle.

Smiling from the inside out.