Like most women, and I hope there are men out there as well who feel this way, when I see potential in a guy, I have a hard time dismissing the idea without fully wrapping my head around all of it. That silly old thing called fear I suppose... fear that I won't get the chance to explore that little something that has captured my attention.
Funny, when a friend shares with me their struggles in a relationship or with letting go of one, I feel at ease telling them to let it go, let it be, and have faith. Yet, at times, I can't seem to follow my own advice. While driving home tonight, reflecting on recent events. I tried to think of people I knew who's relationship may have done a stop-start... ie. they met, but things didn't really come together until much later. Then I looked back to my own relationships and wondered if I had ever really been friends with anyone first.
AND IT HIT ME!!! It happened to me...The man I married "SCOTT", I had met one year in the winter months, on the break up of a my first serious boyfriend. Scott and I took an immediate interest in each other upon meeting at an event. We exchanged email addresses, and later phone numbers. He lived over an hour away. After about a month of communication, he suddenly disappeared... I left it be. Although he never left my mind. My ex-boyfriend came back into the picture a few weeks later. We dated for about a month or so and it became clear this was not a good relationship. I once again ended this relationship. A month later, Scott was in town at another event, again on the heals of ending the relationship with the same ex again. This time, it worked out... We began speaking and seeing each other regularly. Eventually driving cross country together to attend an event, and things grew from there.
Don't get me wrong, in the end, my marriage did not work out. But it did end amicably, and I believe whole-heartedly that Scott was meant to be a part of my life - and we shared 10 years together. Filled with many ups and downs, mistakes made and lessons learned (thank you Adele). But at the end of the day, there was nothing I could have done to create the circumstances or explain the way Scott came into and out of my life at just the right times. But this does clearly prove, even to me - a tough critic - if it's meant to be it will.
So here I am again. Trying to start fresh, on the brink of ending things with Aaron, on the beginning of having met Kevin, and exploring dating from yet another perspective... and I am fearful. So you start with a great date, that's the easy part... then what? The stress of will he call, should I call... on and on the games go. With a step back, and the support of close friends who know me and my silly behaviours, I realize that once again, this is a leap of faith. I have to let go, and trust that all of these situations will work out the way they were meant to. And in most cases, for the best if I let them work themselves out.
We don't always have to be involved, or make things happen. In the moments that I am able to let it go, I am happy and faithful and everything about what I am doing is more truly representative of me :)
So, I'm off to Hot Yoga to cleanse my mind of these thoughts, and try to let this go...
Stay tuned :)
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