Yesterday I tripped. I got uncomfortable, those damn growing pains... naturally inspired by the triggering of a recent soulmate. Yet less than 24 hours later, after sitting in it...I am amazed at how different I feel. Calm, comfortable again, strong...I'm just fine. I was resisting a change. I was working against the flow, not ready to take the leap of faith and just go with it.
The challenge was an internal struggle between knowing that there was something I needed to do, and the fear of how that might turn out. But alas, I am ready... To move forward I needed to face a very real change, a change in mind set, a change in perspective, a change in expectation, to once again let go... Sometimes we hold on to things, feelings and people, a false sense of control when we're unsure of what lays ahead, the reality is holding on is keeping us back. In my case, I was holding on to questions, afraid I might not like the answers. My time in Muskoka and my "trip" yesterday allowed me the chance to really work through my thoughts and feelings. To release some pain, resentment and unforgiveness that has been hiding inside me.
Today, as my good friend Melissa calls it, I am standing in my power. I am ready to resolve a situation that I've avoided really facing for a long time now. My sense of self is continuing to evolve. In discussion with a friend tonight, and a colleague today, I was able to take a 40,000 foot view of how it is that I handle my career decisions so completely differently then my intimate life...and that strategy has served me well. More then strategy I think it comes down to a solid sense of who I am, and my value. I have always known that professionally. I know it personally too :) I just needed to hear the right thing at the right time to step back and feel the switch...the little trigger inside that says "this feels different"...
Today I'm standing in my power...strong, hopeful, open, deserving. I am living my life according to my values. I can put my head on my pillow every night knowing I gave the day my best. I was the best person I could be for today, and I get to wake up again tomorrow and keep expanding into a better version of myself. As my late grandfather often reminded me, "focus on the process, let the results take are of themselves". If there's one thing I can say, going back to getting lost again to find myself, my move to the city has really forced me for the first time in my life to just be in the day. Each day has been filled with much newness...an amazing experience, a new lesson, new people, and the chance to discover another piece of me :)
Every morning that I wake up and step out onto King Street to walk to work, I cant help but look up at the sky between the towering buildings, smile, and look forward to a brand new day... It's in that moment I am strong and proud of the journey that lead me here...and I stand in my power ❤
"I stared up at the sun, Thought of all the people, places and things I've loved...if I lose myself tonight"~One Republic
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