"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart" -Carl Jung
I have a problem... I admit it. It takes me far too long to make decisions about relationships. Bless my friends for hearing me out time and time again. But then comes that moment... the one when suddenly everything in your head becomes clear... you know the one? It comes, it goes, and along with it goes the weight of everything you've been trying to understand and figure out. And then... you are FREE!!!
I call this a "moment of clarity". This came for me after 3 years of marriage, a year of which I spent on the fence about what to do. I carried the weight of uncertainty like a 1,000 tonnes on my shoulders for an entire year. Rationalizing, solution-generating, agonizing, reflecting, calculating... all the things I could think of to find a solution. Then it hit me... that moment... the one when I just knew the answer. And suddenly, the fears, the questions, the weight... it was all gone.
Thinking I had learned my lesson and was standing on solid footing, I bravely approached the single life. To my surprise, I still managed to stack up the weight, trying to figure each new experience out. The weight again grew overwhelming in recent months, I found myself again trying to figure it all out. Then it hit me... my moment of clarity. The moment where the fear dissipated, the weight lifted, and the sun grew a littler brighter. And here I am... facing all that was put on ice, and finally deciding to just let it go.
And the feeling... FREE!!! Hopeful... Light... Happy... and willing to wait for life's next surprise ;)
Then came the best line from one of my favourite songs, and I think of so many friends who would fully accept this offer, and realize that even if I let go, I'm not alone.
"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lay with me and just forget the world" (Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol)
May you find your Moment of Clarity in this New Year, and be free for whatever is next...
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