Are you really OPEN?

Lately I have been finding a common thread in discussions with my single friends... why am I attracting the wrong/same people?  Ever noticed a pattern of behaviour types in the people you end up exploring dating and relationships with.  I can say the same... It took me a long time to realize that I was continually being faced with the same type of person, and every time it resulted in a "One Sided Relationship" where I was going out of my way, sacrificing my own needs/wants, tip toeing, people pleasing... you name it. It left me exhausted and hopeless in relationships. Worst of all, when those relationships ended, not only did I feel ripped off and resentful, but I quickly found my way right back into another one just like it. Don't get me wrong, they never started that way...

We've all heard the quote, the Definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That's what we often do in relationships. We naturally gravitate to what is comfortable, familiar. We can walk into a room of a thousand people and pick out the one that will end up being just like the last one we got away from. So why is that???

I don't think there is an easy answer. After much thought and discussion the only thing I can come up with is, that we are not being truly OPEN. Sure, we all think we are. But what is OPEN?  It doesn't just mean willing to engage. We are all willing to engage, but if you take a really hard look, it always ends up being willing "under the same circumstances".

In my own experience, I recently told you about a first date with AARON, whom I almost gave up on within the first 30 minutes of meeting. I didn't feel the spark I always looked for. I couldn't get the conversation to go in the direction that felt comfortable. I felt the minor sense of panick as my eyes scanned the room for a clock and evacuation route... it did hit me at that moment, the words of so many who reminded me "what you've been doing isn't working, give it a chance". So I did. To be honest, a year ago, even 3 months ago, I would have abandoned ship. Today, I am speaking to AARON daily, and have seen him once since. The pace is nothing like I'm used to, the conversation is nothing like I've experienced, and I'm not trying to make it go in any direction. But every day, AARON finds a small way to grow on me just a little bit more... and here I am finding myself for the first time OPEN but not trying to direct, drive or control.  I'm also remaining open to meeting people at every opportunity.

As I told a friend today, being open can be as simple as walking through the day smiling and saying hello to people at every opportunity. My friend noted that she is shy... I thought about that for a moment, and it occurred to me, what if the person she is supposed to meet is also shy.  Don't underestimate the power of something as simple as a smile... it just might show that special someone you didn't even know was looking your way that you are OPEN, approachable...

Give it a shot, at the worst case you should know a smile can fool the brain... and make you happier and it doesn't take very much effort at all.

Here's to me smiling at you... :)