A challenging discussion and relationship failure with Chris brought to light a topic near and dear to many relationships, what is appearing more and more to be the pitfall of any relationship that breaks down - Fear. In a casual discussion the other night with friends, I realized how very different we as humans experience fear. A girlfriend described her fear of different sports and dangerous situations. It made me laugh and look at myself and come to a realization... when it comes to most areas of life, I'm a "Balls-to-the-Wall" kind of girl. First to jump at a sporting or adventure opportunity, travel experience, you name it... not afraid to fly, surf, jump out of a plane, try something new and fall on my face. In business, I say it like it is. I disagree at times, ask for clarification, debate, raise a hand, raise an idea. The same can be said in my family and friendships. Why is it in an intimate relationship I find moments where I'm tongue-tied by fear?
From my conversation with Chris this week to listening to various friends this weekend, I am becoming more and more aware of all the reasons people hold things back in relationships, and how quickly that becomes destructive behaviour. I can now look back and clearly identify a number of situations that upset me, rather than saying anything, I bottled it up... eventually the pressure of the steam will inevitably blow the top off any boiling pot. LOL. That's always the tipping point, and usually happens over something completely ridiculous. I'm sure we've all been there. Looking back it's kind of funny, but if you remember the moment, it wasn't so fun... So we often learn from it and most of us over time learn to speak up because we know it's not worth holding on to.
Interestingly, I felt I had made some major life breakthroughs in this realm. But every now and again there's someone who stirs up those old behaviours, and that is what happened with Chris. It comes down to vulnerability. A situation that you become so uncomfortable in that without thought you revert to old behaviours. The good news is, awareness is everything.
Where does fear come from? A few things, but generally, it is a matter of thinking. It creeps in as we get ahead of the moment. When we start looking to the future, and the "What ifs" take over. The creation of scenarios which seem realistic in our heads. Then you tell someone what you're thinking, and realize, if we were seriously this psychic, we'd have life figured out. We can let go of the fear, of something that is not real when we realize, this moment is all we have. And despite every fear we've ever had, we're still here today, living and breathing, and life isn't so bad... so next time you are afraid to speak, share, act or feel... ask yourself what the worst case would be? At the end of the day, will you not just survive the same way you always have? And if you never put it out there, never take that risk... just how much of life and opportunities are you potentially missing out on?
"Can't get it if you don't keep giving!" ~One Life (Hedley)
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